Wanting to be Home

I really wish I could go home. I feel so full of anxiety all the time. I don’t recall feeling at peace, at home or calm in years. I had a dream a few months ago where I went back to the place I had been living for years and I sighed in relief and felt so peaceful. Then the dream slowly turned sour and i felt so lost again. I don’t really do well with change and I guess I never really felt at home the lat places I lived either. I always go back to where i lived as a kid and feel peaceful with that (even though i don’t really want to live there). I’m not sure how to get to a place of contentment I guess. I don’t feel content with anything in my life, and the only time I tend to feel safe, happy, peaceful is being alone with my daughter. I don’t really want that all on her, that she is the person, the thing in my life that makes me feel content. I find that even my husand doesn’t give me that feeling of home anymore. He used to be the one that made me feel like i was alright no matter where I was. Now…even when I go away and don’t see him for a week or more I can’t say I necessarily miss him. I feel like I’ve lost something somewhere along the way.
But I still go back in my mind to where I was 6 months ago and I wish I still lived there. There were so many negatives and so many reason to be where I am now that are better…..but i really desperately miss home.