autism

today i just feel the need to share my personal experience with this disorder, mostly because its been apart of my life for 5 years now.

I had my son when i was 17, I dropped out of highschool my Junior year, he was born June 8 01′. His bio father was a few years older than me and wasnt interested in taking an active role in my sons life, nor was he there for the birth of our son.

So thats where my journey started as a single parent of a newborn who didnt have a clue about children or being a mother, i was pretty naieve at the time and depended heavily on my parents to guide me along. One thing they couldnt guide me with is what was to come when my son turned 1 years old.

I knew at that age, even though he was only 1 and i didnt have previous experience with children, except babysitting my nephews from time to time…. that he was different compared to other kids. he was very anti-social personality, he was sensitive to light and sounds, had wierd ticks, handflapping, wouldnt make eye contact, most of the time he wouldnt answer to his name, major speech delay.

I kept expressing my concerns every chance i would get to his pediatrician, mentioned it to my parents and they thought i was overreacting about his behavior, it was a very lonely feeling, where no1 would aknowledge your concerns, by the time he turned 2 is when i was able to find a program that would help- early intervention.

he was able to get speech therapy, and occupational therapy which eventually lead to a diagnosis through the local school district that he has high functioning autism. it was a bitter sweet ending for me, to finally have a diagnosis, but then to be faced with the reality that he has this life long disorder was heartbreaking.

every dream i had for his future may not become reality, and i guess it was something i had to come to terms with along the way. he is 6 years old now and attends regular kindergarten, he is still behind with speech but he is improving quite a bit. he is a smart kid, and i love him to death no matter what, he’s my life.

more kids are being diagnosed now, and its pretty common nowadays, what is the cause of autism? so many theories, at one point i just gave up on trying to figure out what the cause is. i used to blame myself for it, maybe there was something i couldve done to prevent this. I think im finally at peace now and realize this is just the way things are. theres no changing it.

It has been one hell of a rollercoaster as a young single parent to come to terms with this disorder and be an advocate for your child when it comes to getting the right care/therapy that he needs in order to succeed in future, i think ive done the best i could do under the circumstances with limited income and no help from the sperm donor. i will be 24 soon, and i guess i just wanted to reflect on this for a minute, i still remember the day of his diagnosis, life changing event you can say.

im out of here for now.

*peace*