More complications

It’s sad when the only time you get to type an entry is when you are sitting in your hotel room on your laptop trying to recooperate from a day at corporate HQ. Another business day and another pointless training session. I’m sorry, but if employees can’t figure out how to use Excel, Word and their e-mail, they should be privately tutored rather than making us all sit through a 6 hour training session where they talk to us like we are idiots…

“This is how you turn on your new computer…this is a mouse. Use the left button to double click…thats it…just double click it…”

I shit you not….it was that basic. I wanted to tear my hair out through most of it, but, as always, there is one saving grace in my day. Kyle is heading up here again tonight to stay with me. This will be the 8th night I will spend with him since we have been together. We’ve talked about our relationship a lot and where it is going and where we would like it to go. Normally, a talk like that would make me nervous, but honestly, with him, I’m not nervous.

I’m terrified of hurting the boyfriend though…I really am. I know you all want to know why I haven’t told him that I don’t want to be with him, but the fact is that I don’t think he could take it. He moved to Cincy to be with me, four hours away from his home town. He has no friends outside of me and my friends. His whole support system right now is either me or his family 4 hours away. I know it sounds conceited for me to think that I would ruin his life if I broke up with him, but I feel like I might. He is just so pessimistic anyway that it would be the last straw for him.

He was with me through so much. He saw me through a cancer diagnosis and treatment when I was 20, he saw me through my parents separation and eventual divorce. He saw me through all of my job search frustrations…I just feel like I owe him his happiness somehow even if it won’t make me happy.

Regardless of all this I am continually moving forward with Kyle. It’s only been a month and I am sure that I love him now. Not a day goes by without me seeing him. I make the time, even when I am drop-dead exhausted. He considers me his girlfriend, regardless of my relationship with Phil. Granted we still haven’t “consummated the relationship” for fear that it is too soon and it will change things. I’m still surprised we’ve waited this long and recently he has started to hint that he can wait forever for me, but that he doesn’t want to. I’m not sure where I am with that decision yet, but who knows…it could even be tonight….a hotel room, a hottub, wine…can it get more opportune that that?

Ok, I am going to relax and watch a movie before my business dinner. I need a nap. I’m just glad I finally got to write again. Sorry to all my favorites for being negligent recently, I’m still here and I’m still reading.