passing thoughts on war.
“Lovelorn Soldier’s Lament”
It’s a shame it never was to be,
For to me she was essential purity.
I could have lived a lifetime in her eyes,
Were it not for the sirens that filled our skies.
We were close; we were a world apart.
I’ll never find the pieces of my broken heart.
Two countries hatred fuled by greed.
Two persons’ love destroyed without need.
-by Scott (thescience)
what are you gonna study in university? you should definately do english or something like that. but then again i dunno.
Warning Comment
extended metaphor. oh, and are you for serious? 95%???
Warning Comment
Again, very nice, but you can get a more even meter by a few slight changes – expanding “It’s” to “It is” in line 1, and changing line 4 to “But for the sirens filling all our skies”… there’s a few other things you can do along the same lines to tighten it up. I like your poetry a great deal. Nobody seems to even attempt rhyme any more – they all seem to do very undisciplined free verse.
Warning Comment
Heart in the right place, but pretty awkward.
Warning Comment