4/11/05

I feel like today I’ve made a huge move up in my life. For the first time I let the lil games girls play not get to me like it always has. Yes, the reason I don’t like Kat is most definitely because I wanted her boyfriend SO bad. I love that that’s how it has to be with girls. No accountability, ever. The reason we aren’t friends is because she ditched me ALL the damn time. It had nothing to do with him. It was him, or Maggy, or ‘doing homework’ when she was really hanging out with other people, which was always amusing to me. I love how lil children have some kind of say in this. Oh well, I’ve moved on.

My life doesn’t revolve around these games and I’m a happier person because of it. Laura, Gaby, and Mac all know more about me then Kat could ever have hoped to. It has nothing to do with Gaby having known me since 8th grade or anything. I’d known Kat longer then anyone. The problem with her was that she really didn’t give a shit about me as a person. My idea of a friendship is getting to know and understand each other and through that understanding being able to support each other. Not for one to bus the other around and try and emotionally support them all the time and then when they have something to say get ignored.  Not friendship, and not needed. I’m done caring anymore, it really won’t matter. And withing 2 months, it won’t matter anyway. We’re big kids now and moving on. And I’ve moved beyond this.

In other news, I came home from work early. I had one of those sinus headaches where everytime you look at something your head just throbs. It’s so incredibly terrible to have those and try to drive in snow. Anyway, I only left 2 hours early so I still got the majority of my hours in and I didn’t feel so bad about it. I just didn’t wanna be there, yaknow? Alma and I talked about prom dresses today, she wants to go looking for one with me, and I actually think I just might. We’ll see.

Girls should go to their proms. Even when they have no self-confidence and not some huge group of friends. They should still go.

Maybe I’ll be a girl that should go.

Tomorrow,  I’ve decided I finally WILL get a lot done. There’s no reason not to, especially with a snowday yesterday and all. And tonight I’m going to focus on getting as much of my independant study done as possible. At least 7 chapters would be really preferable. We’ll see. I’ve got a few hours, not like I can get to bed until my sheets are dry anyway. I figured that could be the first big step. Completly clearing all the shit off my bed on the side I don’t sleep on and washing it all so I can make it pretty and then keep it cleaned off. I’m really excited. I’m off to do that independant study. Ciao