3/7/05

Today I took a mental health day from school. My stomach’s been killing me ever since i ate chinese last night. Absolutly wonderful, lemme tell ya. I got up and drove my younger brother to school, let my dad know the deal, and fell asleep on the couch watching Garden State. And then I woke up and now I’m here.

While watching Garden State, I heard this song (Beauty in the Breakdown), and was inspired to change the diary name and actually start writing in it. So here goes nothin.

Last week my Dad and I got in a huge fight. He’s turned into my mother in most situations and it’s just not right for someone to grow up in the environment we are. I’ll be moving out shortly following graduation. Katie- Katie I’m not sure about. She can’t be here either, she’s stuck with nowhere to go. But I can’t take her with me, not knowing how stable I’ll be, I can’t risk not being stable enough for her and just screwing her up down the road. Iunno, we’ll just have to see what happens.

I’ve quit talking to most of my school friends. What kind of friend is a person who only hangs out with you the night her boyfriend and other friends are busy? Because that’s all Kat did. She continously told me no she couldn’t come because "Ryan was off work today" or because "she hadn’t eaten dinner yet" but it was suddenly my fault that we drifted apart. Funny how that happens. With all the time that I’m at work, the one night a week she could find it in her schedule to meet me just doesn’t work anymore, and that’s not my fault. Then we can move on to her boyfriend, who she’s said very specific things about, and when he asked me, after helping me tow my car, I told exactly what had been said. He took it well and he left on good terms, I was so greatful for him helping, and Gaby suggested getting him a joke kinda present for it. So when I called him to ask him where I was he was a totally different person. He’d "talked to Kat" and "she’d said I’d made everything up and blah blah." That’s all well and good. Too bad he’s a nice person and is gonna get fucked over when the next best thing walks by and she decides to cheat on him again. That’s not cruel, it’s the facts. That’s what she’s done before. She’d even said if certain people asked her out she’d dump him instantaneously.

Somehow, the people that use the term ‘highschool drama’ seem to be the most prone to it, whatever it is. There is no such thing as ‘highschool drama.’ There is such a thing as stupid people. Stupid people are the type that create bad situations for themselves and then like to refer to things as ‘highschool drama’ when their situations don’t work out. The term is pointless. Girls will be girls, end of story, that’s how it goes. It’s not highschool drama. It’s kindergarten drama, and college drama, and I’m 50-and-still-single-and-it’s-all-her-fault-because-she-stole-my-boyfriend-when-we-were-25-drama. It’s females being females, or males being males if that’s your thing, the point is, it’s human nature. Get the fuck over it. Normally when someone says it was ‘hs drama’ it’s because something didne’t turn out the way they watned to so of course they must be superior, they just wanna ‘get past this hs bullshit’, right? Too bad they’re IN hs. And now this subject dies.

The other people I talk with on a regular basis are co-workers, Gaby, Laura, some kids from diff classes, and some old friends. It’s really nice having contact with my co-workers because they show me things in life I’ve never experienced before and it’s a great way to keep yourself grounded. I knew I was better off then a lot, but Diasia has her own appt and everything and actually has to ride a bus, taking an hour, jus to get to work for maybe 20 bucks that day.

Slow down, you crazy child
You’re so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you’re so smart,
Tell me why are you still so afraid?

Where’s the fire,
what’s the hurry about?
You better cool it off
before you burn it out.
You’ve got so much to do
and only so many hours in a day.

But you know when the truth is told
that you can get what you want
or just get old, you’re gonna
kick off before you even get halfway through,
When will you realize,
the inner waits for you.