My shinning Star … my heart … my Austin

Am I expecting to much …

This is our first Valentines Day since the separation. I feel as though love doesnt go both ways. I guess it doesnt say anywhere that you have to love you mother 🙁   I went to bring Valentines to my Nicolina yesterday and spent a short amount of time with her.  I embrased her and told her I loved her with no response back from her.  My heart broke a little more.  What have I done .. why do I feel so isolated from the children I have devoted my life to. The pain goes so deep and it hurts like no other pain I have felt.

This morning my Colette opened her Valentines in a hurry before she ran out the door for school. She acknowledged with a thank you without even a glance at me once . . . no Happy Valentines or even a hug.  How long does it take to give a hug. Then she said bye and out the door she went

My Austin woke with sweetness and asked me for a hug.  He said Happy Valentines Mommy and when I told him I love him he responded with "I love you more!"  I gave him a chance to wake up and then gave him is Valentines.  He was excited and thanked me and gave me a big embrace.  He is almost 11 years old … I hope I never lose his love or his respect ever.  For if it wasnt for my Austin I dont know what I would do. He is my shinning star … he is my son!

I dont understand what has happen to our relationships … I keep trying and they keep drifting a… almost running. My heart hurts…  I will always love my girls … and keep waiting for some in return … maybe someday.

Happy Valentines Day !!!

"Sweetpea"  I love you and boy do I miss you …