Worst Date Ever

  There was a series of events that occurred that led me to the worst date ever. Again this was my junior year… still pretty shy, I had a crush on a girl in my chemistry class. My general mode of operation was to talk to the people next to the person I actually wanted to talk to. One of these girls was Leah. Leah was a grade younger than me but in the same grade as George and Sean. While we were hanging out in the library, Sean and George were commenting about how much of a bitch Leah was. I told them that she didn’t seem so bad when I talked to her. They bet me that I couldn’t stand spend one hour with her. She was down in the lunch room and I should have just went down there and hung out with her, but instead I tried to one up my friends and take her to a school dance that was coming up. They told me I’d never go through with it. Not one to back down, I went down to the cafeteria and asked her to the dance. She said yes.

  On the way back to the library, I bought two tickets to the dance and went up to tell my friends the deal was done. They started laughing hysterically. Now I started thinking that I made a huge social blunder.

  The next day I went to Leah and asked her if she was really sure she wanted to go to the school dance. She said that she did not, and I thought I dodged a bullet. With the vantage of hindsight, what answer, would a girl give if you ask them to reconsider going out on a date. I was a jerk.

   If only that was the jerkiest thing I had done that week. Now I had lamented to my friends that I had two tickets to a school dance, but no date. At that point George mentions that his girlfriend Darlene had told him a friend of hers thought I was cute. I told him to introduce me to her and I’d ask her to the dance.

  A week went by and George didn’t say anything again. There was only about a week until the dance. In hall between classes I ran into George and asked him about the girl. And he goes, “oh yeah, that’s right.” He suddenly taps a girl on the shoulder and says “My friend has something to ask you” and walks away.

   I was absolutely stunned. I was not expecting that and as she turned around I was absolutely shocked. This girl was not attractive. If I had to bet I would have bet she went out of her way to be unattractive.  She had a piranha face with acne. I was so taken aback I had nothing to say. She wanted to know what I had to ask her and I couldn’t think of anything except “Do you want to go to the school dance?” She said yes.

  I spent the rest of the week telling George he had to get me out of this date. By Friday I told him, If she shows up at the dance I’ll give her the ticket, but I was not picking her up. The night of the dance I saw George and Darlene. They told me they got me out of it. I asked them how it went. And George said “I just told her that you didn’t want to go to the dance with her, because nobody would want to go to the dance with her.”

  I felt so guilty. Darlene then asked me why I didn’t want to go to the dance with her. And I told her it was because I liked somebody else, which was true, but that I thought George was going to introduce me to that girl, which was not so true. She asked me which friend of hers was it. And I said I didn’t know her name. She asked me to describe her. She did have a friend that I thought was cute and should have described her, but instead I made up a description or more accurately, answered her direct questions about what she looked like. Anyway, she knew the exact girl my imagination was talking about. “That’s Suzanne! Are you going to ask her out?”

   “I don’t know. If I see her and have the opportunity. I guess,” was my reply. Why did I say that? Because I never learn.  I had no intention of letting myself have this “opportunity.” Darlene was already planning a double date.

   That Monday in the middle of Art class, a flock of girls appeared at the doorway trying to get my attention. It was so embarrassing. I looked at the teacher who was just looking at me and I asked her if I could go to the bathroom. She just laughed and said yes. I go into the hall and all the girls were gone except for one tiny, short black haired girl at the end of the hall yelling around the corner in a Mickey Mouse voice “I’m going to get you for this.”

  I realized right then that the “opportunity” was thrust upon me. I had no choice, so I asked her if she wanted to go out sometime. It helped that she seemed more nervous than me. She said yes gave me her number and pretty much ran away. I didn’t think about it again because that girl would never willingly talk to me again. What I didn’t realize at the time was that she was Karmic revenge for what a jerk I had been this month.

 

 

  We had Winter Recess the following week. And that Friday afternoon, George and I were hanging out at Denver’s and George asked me when we were going out on that double date. I had almost forgotten. I told him ‘whenever.’ He said “what about tonight?” <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: ‘Times New Roman'”>

   Apparently, Darlene had been nagging him about it since I first asked her out. I relented and said fine. We called the local movie theater to get shows and times because they didn’t have the Internet or even Moviefone at the time and the newspaper wasn’t handy. After George and I chose the movie, I called Suzanne to ask her to the movie. She said she couldn’t go. I asked her why and she said she didn’t have a ride. I told her I would get her there because it was a date. That’s what happens on dates.

  Then I went home to get ready and said "So yeah. I need a ride to the movies. I have a date." My older brother had gotten an old 1969 Apollo and I don’t remember if he offered or our mom made him, but he drove.

   The plan was to pick Suzanne up and then meet George and Darlene at the theater. We showed up at Suzanne’s house and I was forced to meet her mom and her sister. Her mom grilled me with questions. Who’s driving? How old is he? Who’s going to be there? After all of that, we finally left. When we drove up to the theater, George and Darlene were outside waiting for us. My brother rolled down his window and yelled out. 

   "George! Guess who I got in my car. Kerry! And he’s with a girl!" It was totally humiliating.

   When we finally got out of the car, George had informed me that the movie we had plan on seeing was no longer in the theater. It was Friday and they had changed their schedule, but not the recording. So we had to choose between ‘Goulies 2’ or ‘Enemies: A Love Story.’ As much as an ugly green creature sitting in a toilet bowl in a movie poster looked like a great date movie, we opted for ‘Enemies.’  A movie about a Jewish guy who accidentally has three wives…

   I tried to make small talk with little to no success until the movie started. The highlight of the movie was when the film broke halfway through. Before then, every other scene was a sex scene that made Suzanne uncomfortable, and me uncomfortable by watching her be uncomfortable. When the film broke, George and I went to get some popcorn and I told him that this date was a disaster. He said it was going better than he expected. When we got back to our seats, George and I just cracked jokes. I felt more comfortable, because I had deemed the night an exercise in futility.

  Finally, the movie ended. George called his mom to give them a ride home and I called my brother. Within 10 minutes George and Darlene were picked up. Suzanne and I waited on the bench across from the theater. It was freezing out. I asked if she wanted to go inside, and she said she was okay. Then a group of teenagers gathered in front of us and were arguing on whether or not to have a “rumble” with a group of other teens down the street. One of them announced that he had a knife in case things went bad and pulled it out. I remember half joking to myself, ‘Gee, maybe I should join them. That’s gotta be less painful than what I’m doing right now.’ I asked her again if she was sure she didn’t want to go inside. She finally agreed.

  After what seemed like an eternity, my brother showed up and brought 4 people from his hockey team. We squeezed in as best we could and drove her home. I walked her to her door said goodnight and left, with all of them heckling from the car. When I got back to the car, they asked if I wanted to play hockey at the local Grocery store parking lot with them. I did, of course. I didn’t want the night to be a total waste.