The “dream”
we always want to follow our dreams right? usually they dont work out…some cases they do
first off, im sorry for that crazy entry. before i erased all of the old entries…thats pretty much how it was. i never got to express how i really felt and OD is the only place to do it. OD is the only place where people get to see your REAL crazy. its odd to think that strangers all over the world can see who you truely are or feel like when you cant express it to the ones who know you.
Money has been so tight. been trying to make obvious hints to the bf about a job and he feels really guilty about it but…you can only get so far by feeling guilty than actually doing something about it. ive been trying to find a better paying job and for some reason, they havent been hiring young people. even ones who are at a job for 5 years and have established the fact of being loyal and hard working. its really odd.
as in my very first entry, i want to try to become an employee of Rooster Teeth. of course, that is a dream far fetched. there are no classes for video production or 3D design in my town. i believe that the community college didnt have the teachers anymore so they dropped the certificates for it…sadly. so on my way back onto moving to austin, tx. why there? some people may ask? its somewhere different. the pay looks better and the living is soooo much cheaper. every apartment (even this house) is nearly $2,000 as a move in and all cases you barely get a third of it back. while in austin, the most ive seen is a deposit of $250…wow…thats it? so cheap. Here in flagstaff, it’s equal or $50 less than rent itself then ridiculous random deposits and fees because people are irresponsible jackasses (usually the trashy native americans…not to be racist…but the rez (reservation) families are gnarly and trashy, so these apartment complexes stick retarded fees because of people that dont know how to respect the place they live in.
a few days ago, i brought it up to my bf and he was trying to be realistic about it but for years i keep on being let down by other people so i ended up giving up on my previous dreams. but this one looks promising. ive lost my enthusiasm for graphic design. no one is taking entry level but they want 2-5 years experience. how can i get the experience without the job or even an internship? none here in town. this town is small enough that theres just a few graphic design shops here but none are hiring because they are mom and pop shops….ugh…and the others available they want video production experience along with graphic design so i figured id add that onto my belt. so if i get video production and start making short films or edit videos of my friends playing video games…i just might get recognized like others have.
im just really tired of people saying i cant accomplish what i want to be…and look because of them not having faith in me, ive gotten nowhere. ya…shouldnt have listened to them a long time ago…maybe i couldve became successful.
anyways, ive just started working out again. my knee is decent enough that ive done some deep squats and it hadnt blown out at all. im happy, that means i can start being active…carefully active tho…better than before.
this is me saturday, dressing up for halloween for work. meet cybergoth vs borderlands…ZIG ZIG BUB!
ugh..just need to get the money situation figured out…i want to move. i NEED to move. there is nothing for me here. i love the people, but this town…its just horrible..