Confusing and Complicated.

Well today was a bit more exciting than yesterday. And the fact that one of my friends came over actually proves that I’m not a recluse, right? Anywho….we watched the first four episodes of the first season of Prison Break. *drools over Wentworth Miller* That is like the best show ever. My plan was to rent and watch all of the first season before the second season started, but it looks as though that’s not gonna happen. Seeing as how I’m only up to #5 out of 22, and season two starts in four days. And like I think I’ve mentioned before, I’m not made of money.

Which brings me to my next point, which is: I need a job. I really really really need a job. And I’m not just one of those teenagers who thinks they have to get a job so they can stop borrowing mommy and daddy’s money and use their own to go on a shopping spree! Yay!! *fake cheesy smile* And actually, it’s not really about the money. In fact if I had a choice, I’d never get a job. My life goal is to become a hobo. But that’s besides the point. I need a job so I can get out of the house. And as a side bonus, it’d be good to get money so I can actually pay my parents back for my trip to Italy next March that I promised I’d pay part of. But yea, getting out of the house would be a really good thing. Too bad I’ve gone all summer without hearing a word from any of the places I’ve applied at…

*sigh* This should be my last year of highschool coming up…Except for some reason I’ve decided to stay back an extra year. It makes me sound stupid when I say that. I’m not. Just indecisive, and not able to let go of things. Wow, you know, I’ve never really thought about that before. I really can’t let go of things. In any sense. Hmmm. I mean, wow, can I ever hold a grudge. I’m still mad at my friend because she didn’t invite me to a party she had, let’s see….5? years ago. Well I guess I did sort of get over that. I mean, I do still hang out with her. Meh. I’ve held grudges for longer though. But that wasn’t my point at all. What was my point? Oh yes, I don’t want to leave highschool. It’s hard for me to leave something that I get comfortable with. Even if it’s horrible, such as highschool. I mean, if certain things weren’t present at highschool then I would leave the first chance I got, no question. But then there’s him. The mere thought of leaving him, being without him, just tears me up inside. Makes me literally cry for seemingly no reason. And that, I know, can’t be normal.

I have next to no life outside of the internet. I almost think it’s not quite as bad as it used to be, but then again I’m not so sure. Ugh. Online dating doesn’t work. It just sucks. I really need to find someone who lives in the same city as me. But this city sucks, and there’s no one here who’d want to date me anyway.

*sigh* I just want to find my place in life. Things right now just don’t seem to be going my way.