Emotional BLoW

I realize that not everyone has been blessed with a “whole” family like I have. Do you realize that 60 percent of marriages end up in divorce?

I feel extremley lucky to be apart of this so-called exclusive percentage but at the same time, I’m being ripped within by my own parents.

Ouch.

It’s inevitable that everyone’s folks have problems right? No one is perfect so eventually, parents get bothered with each other’s little personality quirks. The foundation of a good marriage are two people who love each other and who are willing to compromise with one another to fix their problems together.

I don’t know; that just doesn’t seem to be going on with my folks. With them, little problems escalate into big ones and just when I thought that the big ones couldn’t escalate, they did. I hate knowing the fact that there is nothing I can do to help them. I always seem to be the mediator but this is one situation that is out of my hands. All I can do is put on my seatbeat, and prepare myself for the emotional blow….

My parents are getting a divorce.

It’s not their fault though. I mean, what can you do when two people fall out of love? I used to cry about it and throw little tantrums like an infant in the attempts to escape it all . One time I even considered suicide ( considering is much different than going through the process of suicide.. which I can proudly say that I’m too strong to do.) But I’m slwoly but surely beginning to come to copes with it… maybe.

I fear what will happen after my parents divorce. My mother is my best friend in this world. She would never abandon me. I think the divorce would cause her to be even more loving and compassionate than she is presently. She would be my hugest supporter; my personal “one man” cheerleader.

But I know that a divorce will bring upon a permanent departure from my father. He’s never really taken an active part in my life. Whether he’s realized it or not, that’s just the way it is. Sometimes I wonder why he sticks around. Sometime he’ll leave for days at a time and without telling the family where he is. And he returns as if the family is supposed to erase it from their minds.

Am I supposed to nonchantly brush it off as if it never happened? Am I not supposed to question; should I take on that role of the obedient, subordinate daughter? No, I think not.

I hate it when I tell people about my father and all they can say is, “Well at least he’s around”. I mean I know… many people have never even seen their fathers

but they have no idea how it is to have a father but not have one at the same time. All I have is his presence and to me, that is just not enough. I get no support from him; only if it’s in his own benefit. I rarely feel any love from him. He loves me.. He loves me not… He loves me… not.

Maybe this divorce is not as bad as I make it out to be. My mother deserves better and so does my father. If he wants out of my life, he can go. But I know that I’ll always have my mother and that’s the way it’s always been. That’s the way it’s always going to be.

In the meantime, all I can do is strap on my seatbelt, and prepare myself for the emotional blow.

Looks like our family is about to be added to that 60 percent.