Wanting

Why is it that we always want something other than what we have. Afetr my surgery I was out of work for like 2 and a half months and I was dying to go back. I was bored out of my skull. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house and back to work. Now that I am back to work, I HATE it. I wish I was lounging around my house all day…(nevermind the fact that when I was lounging around my house all day I was bored to tears.)
My roommate, we’ll call him Dan for privacy purposes, is gay. We went out a few years ago before he came to terms with the fact that he is gay. I want him….all the time. Sometimes he lets me touch him…after about 2 mins I am done. I think I only want him because I can’t have him. If I actually got him I would be very disappointed. I’ve had the same best friends forever. We’ll call them A & J. I have had sex with both of them and have at one point in my life thought I was in love with both but not at the same time. Anyway they came over Saturday and spent the night. We had a threesome (not the 1st time) They want me to marry them. They been married for a few years now. 4 or 5 ish. Now of course I said yes cuz I was drunk. I don’t want to marry them. I love them I would have sex with them but marriage is something I don’t have to give. Of course if they didn’t want to marry me I bet I’d be all over it. I guess I am just broken, but no matter. I have been that way forever. One gets used to it. At least I know that I am broken.
On a side note most of the guys I fall in love with fall into 2 catagories Gay or emotionaly unavailable. My roommate falls for straight guys all the time, and if they aren’t straight and are attracted to him that lasts like 1 day. It is kind of a running joke. Once told a bi-sexual friend that he was not gay enough for me but not straight enough for Dan. We thought it was pretty funny. He pretended not to understand. He hates Dan anyway. So the way I figure it I should just be happy with what I have because if I got what I wanted I wouldn’t want it anyway.