Pain in my heart

So I’m just waking up from my post-working sleep. Last night was pretty crazy so I did not catch a nap at work. Yea- first time for everything. I got home this morning and completed my Spanish homework and then zzzzzzzzzz-out for a few hours. Now I am just chiling out before I go back to work.

I hate having this free time. The more I move, the more I go, that less I think about everything. I just -I’m having trouble just moving forward. Everything else in my life is so on track. School, work, Jayden – everything is just so in place and here I am feeling like … this. I know the reason we are not together is because of a choice I made but at the time I was so lost. Now I am just – I don’t even know how to describe it. All I know is there is this huge hole in my heart where this brotha use to be and no matter how many degrees or honor societies or whatever nothing replaces that. It’s just there and I don’t know. Now I just feel so… I don’t know . I’m like just feeling really unhappy and ugly right now. I look around and everybody is either married or in some relationship and I’m not. But I have gave myself this rule that I would not date anyone or enter into any type of relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. It has to mean something and I feel like I’m not really looking or is interested in anyone that us not Terrell How pathetic is that?