One more cry

I got a bunch of texts last night from my husband.  He asked me to call him because it was his last night in our house before he moved out.  I, out of compassion, called him.  Like a dumbass.  He still loves me unconditionally even though he knows its over. So sayeth he.

This conversation went on like so many of our conversations and ended with me in tears. Wanting to crawl under a rock and sleep forever.  He said my dealings with him are so matter of fact, That I talk like I dont care about him.  All this time I have just been trying to protect him from hurting.  Pain is the absolute last thing that I want him to feel.

I have to go over to the house today to pick up the final few things that I have left there.  I am going to take the opportunity to do some healing work since both of our energies still linger in the house.  I want him to find peace.  Peace without me in his life.  I’ll definitely be doing some magic in that direction today, and I’ll set it so that all is well by the full moon on the 29th.

While we are on the subject, since there are some folks that are new to me and my life, or for those of you that followed me from my old diary and may have forgotten, I am pagan.  Where I fall under that umbrella at this point in my life i do not know.  I know that I am more spiritual now than ever before in my life, but I cannot define it.  (if anyone has any questions about this, I would be more than happy to discuss. )

My sweet October came to see me this morning.  After my texting and subsequent conversation with the ex, I sent her a text to let her know what was going on… i fell asleep shortly after she said she was coming over.  She, of course, let me sleep until about 4 this morning (she insists that I dont get enough sleep when she is around and I must admit that she is right, but I really dont care if it means I get to spend time with her)

She woke me up at about 4.  Crawled in my bed beside me and just held me until I came fully awake.  I love that.  I love waking up to her.

Also, I am going to move to Oregon in a few years. fo sho.