Luke

Ok, so the last entry I told you all about my first boyfriend Bryce. Today I am going to tell you about Luke, my second boyfriend. This one is a doosy. 🙂

So, I meet Luke in Jr. High. We were friends, kinda, and I thought he was a dork. Well, you know how it goes, you think someone is a dork, and then they start to grow on you. So, for like the entire seventh grade year, I had this total crush on him. My friends and I would do all kinds of kooky things to try and get his attention, which was fun. Anyway, near the end of the school year I finally got up to the nerve to ask him out. He said yes, and there started our relationship.

Now, Luke was a srange one. He was a swimmer (great body) and he always had practice. That was ok, because I always had dance class. So after school we would have our little conversation. And he would watch Dark-wing Duck and eat apples. We stayed together all summer and all of eighth grade. Then we were together all the next summer and into our freshman year of high school. Despite the duration, the relationship was pretty much a lot of nothing. I thought that I loved him, (yick) even though we never really did anything but hang out. We had an almost non-existent physical relationship. And he would make me tie his shoes and weird stuff like that. He would snap and me with his fingers, and like some sick little puppy I would come. (I still have a problem with snapping… If anyone snaps at me to do something it really bothers me.)

Anyways, we kept this up way too long. He finally broke up with me at the end of freshman year. I was crushed of course, because I was just that stupid. Then I get a note from his best friend, and he said that he was glad that we had finally broken up because Luke had said that he had stopped having feelings for me at the end of the previous summer. Yet, he had kept up the relationship! That really hit me hard. I felt like the worst idiot in the world. First because I was dumb enough to care about this jerk, and second because I was too stupid to see that he didn’t care about me anymore. (One thing that has kinda made me feel better about it in the following years is the fact that he never really dated anyone else, and he is probably going to turn out gay. His best friend has, and, I don’t know. I just get this feeling.)

The main thing that I got from my relationship with Luke is this major complex, in that in every relationship I am in, I feel so terribly afraid that the person I am with is going to stop loving me and not let me know. And I won’t be able to see it till way after, when all of their friends tell me that they knew it was over a long time ago. I am afraid of being the last one to know. This complex has also been enforced by my other relationships as well. I guess the only good thing is that I am realizing that I actually have this complex, and therefore I can begin to work through it. 🙂