again

A little more than two weeks ago I get "can’t stop masturbating to the thought of you, your pictures.  you’re beautiful, such a turn on and you make me feel so damn good"

A week ago, "I adore you".  Love was admitted a month or more ago but never said again, scares the breath out of him.

Two days ago I get, "always thinking of you"

And then I get silence.  Sometimes its better not to talk, not to think and remember and feel.  Makes the non-messages easier to handle.  So tonight I sent one and an email and now I will let it be…and it will kill me….

again.

 

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it’s a wretched place to be isn’t it? I remember that feeling all too well. wanting to reach out…and finding nothing there. makes a person want to retreat into themselves. I fear that more than the rest of the hurt…the gut wrenching barrenness. I hope you make it through it.

June 20, 2011
June 20, 2011

RYN: Just promise to share. 😉

I’ve known that wrenching feeling. Not knowing if a re-kindles re sooner will make it better or worse.

We need to get promoted and laid… Lol

C3B
June 21, 2011

Thanks for the note. I don’t know you, but I am glad “fuck” is our favourate word. I read your entries, your poems. I close my eyes, imagine you walking in the scilence of the woods, barely covered, me walking up behind you, wrapping my arms around your weist, whisperingin your ear, telling you how fucking sexy you are, how I want you like a man wants water in the desert, peeling your explaination

C3B
June 21, 2011

for clothingoff your hot, sweaty, scented body and fucking you right there, over andover again. OMG, your entries have gotten me so turned on. Yea, he went to masturbate after thinking about you, I can see why. If he is pushing you away, there’s only one explaination for that. The fucker’s gay. Right on.