Another title.

Tired from earlier today. Never thought I’d feel like this just by coming to school again. I mean, what do we actually do there for me to feel exhausted like this? We just sit around in the room, write tons of stuff, listen eagerly in preparation for a quiz… So why am I tired physically? Is it because I actually am a wimp? Pfft, wimp. Weird word. Ah, whatever.

It’s a little past my bedtime, but here I am, still against sleeping. I just think I can do so much more tonight than just sleep. I know sleep is important and all– but if I don’t get anything done before sleeping, this unaccomplished feeling will nag me into a sleepless night. 

Well… I did accomplish something I want earlier. Like that character I drew at the back of my notebook. I wasn’t expecting that it would turn out that nicely. Too bad that I can’t show my drawings off… Truth be told, I always enjoy it when someone recognizes, praises, or even critics my work. It feeds my desire to become even better. But then, I am in the middle of my ‘Confucian’ way of living (let’s say I read a book one day and it got me interested in changing my old, sordid ways). As a ‘gentleman’, I just cannot flaunt the things I take pride in. I mean my works, not this ‘talent’ concept. I admit I don’t have the talent– I just got better by drawing on a daily basis. And that I believe anyone can draw just as well with the right determination.

Ah, I can’t stop thinking about what my friend Drew said earlier. I can’t be sure what exactly it was since I have a self-diagnosed hearing problem (yeah, self-diagnosed ftw). I remember it went something like, "… I like your old ways better. Your new ‘you’ just… I don’t know." And, as always, I looked at him and asked him to repeat it again since I was not sure if I just imagined things. He shook his head and smiled oddly. Well, now. That just sounded like a scene from an anime. Relating real life to such makes my day awesome. 

But, yeah. It still bothers me. What could he possibly like about my old personality? That I was the innocent kid, filled with mood swings and unpredictable behavior? After having evaluated myself one day and found out just that, I decided on changing myself. I just thought, I want to become a better person. If I keep up with something like this, I wonder how I’ll fare with life later on.

So I decided to become that chivalrous bastard who laughs heartily especially in disadvantageous situations. I’ve always looked for a charismatic person like that at my community; sadly I found none. Though I remember father being like that…it’s just he’s not around for me to experience it more personally. And so I thought, I should become the person I am looking for– even though I am not sure at all if this is the ‘real’ me; my real personality. In the least, my hopes of inspiring others through such conduct keeps me going.

Heck, look at all this brooding. Whenever I write something, I always keep getting offtrack. Bet no one would even bother reading this far, haha. But it sure does feel good to write about things you’ve never bothered discussing with another. Moreover, I am not a good conversationalist, so I am stuck with this.

I should really get some sleep soon. I have to rest my hands– they’ve been hurting for a while. I understand my right hand hurts and twitches from time to time…but my left? I barely even use it. My left wrist feels worse. It’s not really that painful… Just some annoying aches here and there. 

… Says the person who bothered typing this much and complains right after. Good going, kiddo. Good going, indeed…