“Get Up, You Sonofabitch, Get Up!”
Well
I dont know how it happened, but I seem to have slipped into a bit of a blue spell. Ive been dealt a handful of little bumps and dings in the past two weeks (none of them have been earth-shattering), and I suppose theyve added up to form a little gray cloud.
The crushing blow (although not really crushingperhaps the final event necessary to help me realize Im in a funk) was having lunch with the ex on Saturday. She was in town to pack, and she stopped by to see the house and go grab a bite to eat. Everything was fine, and it was good to see her. But as she was driving me back to my place, the tide kind of turned.
Shes officially moving out of her apartment next weekend. I offered to help, and she declined, giving some sort of excuse about probably being bossy or something. I insisted that I could handle it. And then she teared up, and came clean.
Next weekend is kind of like the burial of our relationship. Its true that weve been apart for about two months now. But this move is the closing of the final chapter. Once all her stuff is gone, she has no reason to come back to K.C. Its closure, and she said it made her sad. To know that her life direction has changed so drastically in the past six months.
Now, Im perfectly fine with the way things ended. And she and I know that this is the best. Theres no chance for us getting back together or anything drastic like that. But seeing her upset just kinda bumped me upside the head. Because I hate to think of her being sad. I want her to be headed in the direction of happiness, and I kind of got the sense that shes drifting a little.
I can handle my own new start. Theres something almost romantic and heroic about it all. Like when Mickey dies and Rocky loses the belt in Rocky III. The Apollo Creed in my head is telling me to get up and move forward.
But to see her struggling a little shook me. Im sure shes really doing fine. I believe I just caught her in a moment of weakness. And Id be lying if I said I dont have my wistful moments now and again. But like I said, I know how to get myself out of the mist. And with this ex, its not a race to see who can recover the quickest. I want us to both come out on top.
We ultimately agreed to get together again in a few weeks. But it was one of those open-ended, yeah-we-should-do-that sort of plans. Well see.
Saturday night I was surrounded by friends and shouldve had a great time. But my timing was off somehow. I seemed to surpass the warmth of the buzz that the nights first few drinks always brings. Instead, I found myself late in the evening with a good, hard drunk on. Not too drunk to walk or talk, but too drunk to be the sharp, confident, strong Duke that everyone loves.
I had an okay night, though. It wasnt as if I stood at the corner of the bar, looking at the world through the bottom of a glass. I just shouldve had a WAY better time than what actually transpired.
Work has been stressful. Jen, for better or worse, has vanished. The house is big and empty and Im spending too much time in it. Theres been lots of rain, and the temperature has been unseasonably cool. Lots of little shit like that.
I slept most of Sunday, and called in to work today and slept most of the day. And Ive spent a little time doing an examination of conscience. It has sort of occurred to me that Ive really been drifting myself for the past two months. That Apollo Creed dude in my head really wasnt speaking as loudly as Id thought.
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I’ve felt like that for awhile now, too. Hope you come out of your funk. I miss you!
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Get up kid, ’cause Mickey loves you. 🙂 Be well,
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Get up, Duke, get up, you will survive this and move forward… Hugs
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Were your ears burning on Sunday? Or at least your big hands buzzing a bit? —
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sorry you are in a funk. i am too. –
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I just hate when I go through those blue moments, for seemingly NO REASON AT ALL. Totally blows. Eric
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*hugs* I hope the melancholy passes. Good to see you write again–I’d noticed the pause. 🙂
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Well… I get it now.
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Funk sucks. But better funk in your mind than in your ass. Work on your house. You’re focus will shift in time.
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i think it’s sweet that you’re still concerned about her feelings even after the split. these things take time, that’s all.
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My timing has been off for the last 2 weeks… I just can’t get moving in any direction.
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The fun never stops when it comes to relationships. Why are we tortured so? RYN: I’ve tried to sell out, but nobody’s buying. Writing for the masses takes a certain kind of mediocrity that is impossible to fake. I wish I was the kind of person who thought “Everybody Loves Raymond” was a hoot. Life would be much easier.
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Dude, your dirty notes are supposed to be PRIVATE!!!!!! You bum-feeler!
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Break Up Relapse is a bitch. I think I watched the entire series of “Dark Angel” from the videostore in Japan during my last bout of Break Up Relapse. It was not pretty.
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RYN: Bitches, I totally mentioned it in my entry of 4/19!
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Wrong movie, man. I see you’re more like Sgt. Highway in Heartbreak Ridge, sitting in jail telling war stories, waiting to get bailed out.
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Brian is my home health care worker, a friend who has no job, except for what he can scrounge up for cash. Live on welfare and it proud of it. He just turned 50 and I wanted to show him his first Broadway show since he’s also an actor/singer. We had a lot of problems which I’ll recount later. But he did have a much better time than I did. Appropriate, I guess. —
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is it that damn difficult to get a woman off? i think it’s totally unfair. a man looks and gets aroused. you have to move heaven and earth to do the same for a woman. that’s totally unfair. so totally unfair…
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so what’s the ONE way?
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m checks the hardness of my nipples afterwards. that’s how he knows. if they’re extremely hard and erect, then i’ve climaxed.
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btw, i thought you did take a flashlight to bed with ya. you used that screen name for some reason apparently. i could assume that’s why. 😛
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ryn: well, that’s to your benefit then. no matter what women say, size does make a difference.
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especially if you’re lacking in finesse. not saying that you are, but that could be partially the problem at home.
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Don’t push yourself into feeling better so quickly. Give yourself time!
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RYN – To me, you will always be the leader of the pack.
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Dude, you’re just FINE !!! There’s nothing like “the right woman”….. and you’ll find her……… BEST WISHES !!!………CRANK UP that STEREO !!!!!!
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RYN it just goes to show that anything can be RCd, have you looked at what ends up there? So why are they bitching about someone RCing something I post? Its political, just because its on the RC, doesn’t force anyone to read it. Maybe the DM is playing games, maybe not, but the only way to get his attention is loudly. No one is forced to read my diary or entrys that are RCd.
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RYN Many are, happy trails.
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I think this is pretty normal. It’ll pass soon enough. Hope the clouds clear and the funk moves on real soon
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Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Of course you are going to feel like this from time to time right now. Don’t make me get on a plane and come over there 😉
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Well, if you need cheering up go read my latest entry. After all, nothing cheers you up faster than reading about some other poor schmoe who’s in the dink deeper than you are. *grin*
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Look at you talking trash in my notes! lol
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ryn: ITYS?? Huh?
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Just don’t laugh until you cry. I don’t need any extra water vibes for the yard. I still have a van I can drive into it!
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I so did not realize it was your birthday. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I remembered. I believe it’s today? Happy Birthday. I got your message =).
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So sorry. Meant to be private. 😉
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Don’t bother coming back to my diary again, because I’ve already blocked you.
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your heart is as big as your (freakishly huge) hands.
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Rarrgh, I hate blue funkbastards. I mean, the whole life thing is a freaking rollercoaster, but sometimes the extreme downs are easier to manage than those watery blue sad blotches of gluggy muck. I shall pretend to sparkle shiny glittery things all over you and hope you feel better 🙂
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dude, thank you for the information about the wormy. My updated AV isn’t picking it up anymore, so Im assuming it’s gone. If it’s still there, *shrug* I don’t know what I can do. I didn’t run the deletion of the file in registry in Safe mode, though. I’m still on my guard.
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haha you have me so intrigued about this link to artwork like mine. I’d hate to think I was copying anybody’s good hard work. I’ve been doing this style since i sort of invented it in 1989, stealing inspiration from 60’s album covers like rubber soul, and also The Fool psychadelic murals, and Aubrey Beardsley. Maybe i should try to google the style…
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breaking up is so hard. especially when you both loved each other so much. i am still reeling from my divorce. i hope both you and ex’s hearts heal and you will remain friends.
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your writing is a story that I have an insatiable need to hear more of. It’s enthralling. When I picture you I picture Dennis Leary and I don’t know why.
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