SW: Penis Envy

[This entry was submitted by Stephanie. It’s nice and long, and you’ll love every inch of it.]

I might be a full on lesbian if it weren’t for the penis.

I have a bad case of penis envy.

I don’t want one to haul around for always… but for just a day or maybe a week. or a month… that would be great.

I don’t have anything really to compare it to, what that must be like. Sure, the clit is the female equivalent… but the clit is nothing like the penis. And sure my nipples are nice and soft and then they harden kind of like a penis, but they actually get smaller, not bigger.

There are so many things that I want to know about cock. Would it itch if you had a mosquito bite on it? Can you get it tattooed? Silly things like that…

I want to know what that feels like, to become aroused and feel copious amounts of blood flowing to that part of my body. Enough blood that it makes that once soft and malleable part of my body hard enough to penetrate an orifice. I mean, prior to that, you couldn’t get it inside something without forcefully stuffing it in. And then blammo- hard as a rock. And it grows, right before your eyes. Amazing stuff, that. And when does the hardness begin? I want to know what exactly is the mind/body connection there. What triggers it? What happens when you want to get hard but you can’t? What does that feel like- trying to get hard? What’s it like to want to have sex but not be able to because it’s not functioning as it should? What do you do, what do you think to make it work? What does it feel like to come before you want to?

And I want to know what it feels like to slide inside of a woman. I want to know about slick, wet, warm folds of pink velvet. I want to know what it’s like to have such a sensitive yet powerful part of my body completely inside another person. I want to know what it’s like to bump into a cervix with the tip of something besides my finger. I want to knock the bottom out.

And I want to know what it’s like to be in different places… I want to know what it feels like inside a woman’s mouth. What it feels like inside a woman’s ass. What if feels like between a woman’s breasts. I want to know if those things feel differently and if so, why? I want to know what it’s like to let go of all that fluid as a result of my pleasure. What’s it like to have something come out of you that no one would order if it were on a menu, yet women (and men) everywhere will swallow it… I want mine to be swallowed.

And I want to know what it’s like to have something so out there. Something that isn’t hidden away. Something that you have to hold when you pee. And speaking of pee, I want to feel what it’s like to have to pee when you’re hard.

And I want to know what it’s like to move in and out, slowly. I want to know what it’s like to thrust hard. I want to take someone from behind. I want to feel ass slapping against my hips while I’m buried deep inside. I want to hold someone’s flowing hair back while they take me in their mouth, and I want to feel the vibration of their lips wrapped around me as they moan. I want a finger in my ass and lips around my cock… to penetrate and be penetrated all at once…

And I want to take that thing in my hands and stroke it stroke it stroke it till I come all over the place. I want to see if I could hit the ceiling. I want to come on my own face. I want to know what kind of orgasm comes from this thing.

And you know, I don’t know why exactly it is that I feel this way. I don’t think I’m actually jealous, and as I said before, I don’t want to have one forever. I’m very very happy with my own equipment, and I think that pussy has a lot going for it, of course. I’m pleased with my little button that responds so well to so many different kinds of stimulation, both synthetic and organic. I am fully appreciative of my capacity to have multiple orgasms. I enjoy the feeling of being filled completely.

I guess it’s just because it’s something I know I can’t have. And it’s something that, while I’ve been around them enough, I still can’t fully understand how it all works. I’m very very curious about this whole penis thing.

And I’ve been lucky enough to have been brave in some instances, brave enough to say to whomever I was with- hey, can I play with this for a while? And I was lucky enough to have a few guys indulge my little whim… But not for as long as I would have liked. Not enough to tame my curiosity.

I think what I really need, since I will never really get to have one, is a full day with a guy. To just shadow him while he roamed around naked. I would have to have lots of time to be able to touch it and watch it… up close and far away. Lie down. Stand up. Stand on your head. Get on all fours. Can you touch your asshole with it? Let me see how many times I can get it hard in an hour. Let me see how many towels you can hold up with it. Let me use it to fuck a cantaloupe. Let me dip it in paint and make some art for my bedroom. Let me hold it while you pee. Let me see what you do with it when you get dressed. Where does it go? Let me stack books on it and see if it flattens. Let me use my hands on it until I have found the perfect grip and rhythm… Let me use my mouth on it until I have located every sensitive spot… Let me use my tongue on it until I have completely covered every inch with just the right pressure. Talk to me about it and tell me exactly what it feels like in your very best words, your very best moans, your very best moves… put it inside me and tell me how good that feels… tell me about every little fold. Come, and let me become familiar with that medium, with that fluid, with the consistency… let me rub it and smear it… let it pool in hollows and clefts and let me imagine for a minute what it would be like to have done that all myself… Let me spend all the time necessary to really feel connected, really intimate with this beautiful, wonderful, fleshy bit of hardness that is part of you, but that can never really be part of me.

(You can keep your funky nuts, though. Thanks.)

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