Why do some pick emotionally unavailable lovers?

Why do some of us pick emotionally unavailable lovers?

“The reason that nice available people seem boring to some of us is because they threaten us. The ego equates emotional danger with excitement and we think that nice, available person isn’t dangerous enough. The irony is, the opposite is true. Available people ARE “dangerous” because they confront us with the possibility of real intimacy. They might actually hang around to get to know us and melt our defense, through love. Available people are frightening. If you’re not attracted to them, it’s because you’re not available yourself.”*

After all, who fears intimacy most, the unavailable person, or the person who pursues the unavailable person?

* Tenets of The Course In Miracles

Thats really interesting. Is it always true tho? I mean like you might just not be attracted to someone for other reasons including that they are just too nice!

The curse that I seem to fall into more often than my heart would/could/should appreciate. Perhaps it is time to allow love into this heart without walls to temper it’s progress. Then again is it possible to find within the needs that must be fed as well? I’m so tired of trying to find that answer and wish sometimes it would just find me instead. Sorry, it’s a long lonely night.

Just Reba

November 12, 2003

You know what? This is very interesting. My man seems to be ready for me, acts like he is, but this sort of fits us right now. Interesting.

I can really relate to this one. The man I am dating right now is nice and it is really scary sometimes for me. I wouldn’t say that either of us is really pursuing the other, however, we are in this dance of sorts and tiptoeing around. I really do like him, but I am so afraid too. He seems to be having the same type of reaction — lol. So, which one of us is unavailable?

Thank you for the great links to your diary! I read them and I can agree with them, a bit. My issue though is *he* will not commit, when I want to. So I am constantly faced with the thought* why go on this way when he will *NEVER* commit One thought here, it must me the sex keeping me but then, we hardly ever screw anymore. So that can’t be it. Maybe I just figure that I might as well settle.