I’m Not Your F* Buddy

 

Original composition on Opendiary.com 1998

Written exclusively for Christina Craft

By Stephen Schaffer 9-14-05

 

 

Phase 1

 

 

            Ever found yourself face to face with a prick? Sure you have or you would not be reading this… Ten years ago customers used more subtle ways of being rude, however over the past few years inhabitation has died and now customers are openly rude and even attempts to be subtle are drowned in sarcasm.  Have you heard this exchange at work before?  “Hey buddy can you come over here and help me?!?”  Ok let me translate this… “Hey you’re here to serve me, so come over here now, and just for good measure let me lower the hostility of the remark by shrouding it with a friendly word like buddy to take you off your guard.”  Ok wow! That was long but the inner meaning is very very true.  What ever happened to “Excuse me sir/mam I need some help. Do you mind helping me?”  Just because you’re a customer does not mean you don’t need manors.

 

 

Phase 2

 

           

            Ok now let’s look at clue words.  Here are some words you might hear in conversations with customers or strangers outside of work.  These words are used to gain control or empowerment over others.  They are so subtle that most people don’t even know the aspect and damage they cause until years later.  Also in most cases the person using the word does not even know what they are doing when they use them.  Its become so ingrained in there personality that they should not even be held at fault. 

 

Buddy… This word is used almost exclusively by men who are above average height or              social status.  Muscular frame also can play a role in its use.  Its purpose is to lower the recipients’ defenses to the situation and open the door for control. Other uses are to show physical superiority over another individual to intimidate.

 

Sport… Here is a cute little word; this one is generally used by older men. It is directed to those younger than themselves.  It’s used to gain respect where they feel they are not receiving it first, however over the past few years in retail it’s being used at the onset of conversation to quickly stamp out any possible disrespect. In turn it lays the groundwork for resentment by the employee.  “Now that’s no way to start a verbal exchange”

 

Chief… I’ve always liked Indians, but I never wanted to be there leader…chief is used nearly exclusively by wealthy men, or men with what they would consider to be jobs with high social status.  Now keep in mind that this all plays to what they think there level of social standing is as compared to the person being called chief.   It is fully possible for someone to think so lowly of a retail employee that despite the fact that they are impoverished or unemployed themselves they still may call you chief.  Its used to “PUT YOU IN YOUR PLACE” it’s a I’m better than you, I’ve done more than you, I have more than you title.  It makes the recipient fell very small and makes it so you would never confront or question the one calling you chief. Very Rude indeed…

 

<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal”>Bro…  I’ve found that bro has two meanings. First one is for the lazy people rather than saying buddy they just say bro and thus takes on all the above mentioned definitions for buddy.  The second is to instill a sense of family.  Its results are to make you be more receptive to the persons needs as though they where related to you.  I bet you would let your real BRO return a game they did not like even if it fell out of return policy…see how that works?

 

Hoss… This is an ugly one, but fun to dissect.  Understand that when this clue word is used it is meant with horrid disrespect and the one using it knows completely what they are doing.  Let’s take a journey to TV past… ever seen Bonanza? Not many remember but enough people do that I have been called Hoss about a dozen times since 2000.  Hoss was the name of the fairly unintelligent brother on the TV show Bonanza.  Its use in conversation is a two prong attack with one focus, making you look dumb like Hoss.  First they are boldly calling you dumb or unintelligent, and second to them YOU ARE DUMB or UNINTELLIGENT if you don’t know who Hoss was and why they are calling you Hoss.  Lastly this word is not just reserved for those who are old enough to remember the show; I’ve seen it used by those in there mid twenties. 

 

Use of First or Last name <As shown on name tag>…  Well Mr. Asshole I did not know we where on a first name bases.  This is a true power play on part of a customer.  So I’m not in any position to use any of the above clue words so I’ll do this to gain control.  Also used by wealthy individuals or people who feel mentally superior to the recipient.  There may even be the occasional psychologist or HR manager that will use this when they are a customer.  By using the name as listed on a name tag places you in a commanding role over the person with the name tag.  It shows, I have power over you or your outcome here at work, it gives advantage over another.  It could make the employee feel as though if you do something perceived as wrong your name will be used to complain or worse.

             This feeling is double when it’s completely a one way road, and the employee has no access to the customers own name.  Imagine the power you would have if you walked down the street and everyone you passed had a name tag and you could call strangers by name on site, however they could not call your name back. You know there name, where they work, and possibly how to get in touch with there supervisor, and they have no information on you except where you shop.  Oh yea! The power we would have…give everyone name tags that only I can see!!! I want to have a superhero power…the simple power of name.

 

Sweetie, Hun, Sugar…These are truly cross gender clue words…At least I hope so.

Most of the words above are male to male exchanged words, but these can be used

cross gender male to female, female to male.  What is really odd about these words is that

if used at work between two co-workers it could result in termination because of

anti-harassment policies.  So why is it a customer can use them are beyond me. These are

used as gender manipulation to gain control, lowers the recipients defenses and makes

them feel more obligated to be assisting or understanding to the opposite sex.  Fun fun

fun sexual harassment from customers, I feel so violated now.

 

 

Phase 3

 

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            Now we have seen some clue words that are used to gain control of others and

situations.  Some are used at their face value and yet some are used on a deep

psychological level, so deep that even the user may not even be aware of what they are

doing.  Think about when people have used these words on you or in your presence did

things seem to shift away from your control, did the outcome of the conversation or

situation go in favor of the person calling you a clue word…if it did that was your

 “CLUE”.  

 

            The only salutation or title that should ever be used in the work place between an

employee and a customer <stranger to stranger>, should be “Yes mam, Yes sir, No mam,

No sir,  or any instance where permission has been give to use names.  This premition to

use names does not have to be clinical, but implied over time as the two truly do become

friends or friendly.  It is not impossible to be friendly enough with a customer over time

that you may choose to go on a name bases, or even be willing to call another your buddy

because now they REALLY ARE YOUR BUDDY.

 

 

Phase 4

 

            God please give me the strength to give 100% at work…

 

Monday           12%

Tuesday           23%

Wednesday      28%

Thursday          19%

Friday              8%

Saturday           5%

Sunday             5%

 

            Allow me the strength to extend my middle finger to those who stand in my way.

 

 

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By Stephen Schaffer V2.0

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