THAT boy

He will forever be the boy who took my breath away on the first day of 6th grade when he walked into English class. The boy I would steal glances from so he wouldn’t catch me looking (admiring) him. Everything about him was attractive. His hair, his eyes, the way he carried himself, his voice. His smile. He was THAT boy. Number 23 on the football team. The wrestler who went to state. The boy who dated the pretty blonde girls. I was jealous of the dancer. I still see her around. She’s married to someone else now. Unfortunately, I was THAT girl. It’s why I never told him how I felt because I knew he would laugh in my face. Actually, I didn’t know if he would do that but I didn’t want to find out. I did write him a note and put it in his locker. I didn’t sign my name, obviously, and another girl took the credit for writing it. Which was fine because I didn’t want him to know it was me anyways. I swear half my brain would literally shut down whenever he was around me. Suddenly I was clumsy and stupid. I hated myself for being so pitiful when that would happen. Time has now gone by. He is married now to a girl who oddly enough shares my first name. Always two separate paths with two different destinies, that were never meant to cross.

So for the love of God, please stop the damn dreams I still have of him. They are fucking nightmares. Just stop.