doc shot me

I have heard of many stories where woman felt love bombed from a guy and let down in the worse way possible. While I have been hurt so many times I have to say, I truly wholehearted felt that my doctor was being honest with me when he said I would never have bladder issues again, I would be very healthy, that my surgery was the answer. Never have I ever fully committed and been fooled by a man to this degree. I am angry so much to point where I want show up at my doctor house, find him where ever he is, I dont want hurt anyone but yet be crazy, say I have no sex drive, I have always had sex drive, why didnt you warn me, you left one ovary in me so I didnt go thru menopaused.. I am not going thru it bc I get cramp, yet nerve damage is messing with my bladder and intestine wall in which also is damaging my vagina and sex organs…zero zero, and painful when in effect….I am beyond depressed over this. I was talking to my friend other day she like why you put up with Dave, I was like I dated him also great sex, I almost started crying I knew I might never get that ability anyone again. Mark…anyone… I was reaching dark place but I found some light in the dark, first off I am on supplements which is sort of helping, not perfect with the sleep. I am like in that movie fight club working on months of not perfect sleep, but really years, thou this new burning feeling it god awful. I had high sex drive now it low…I am sad because I am single and well I am not sure what this means for me, I would try focus on other things… I found new hobbie which is little expensive it put a smile on my face.. I am getting lot of medical bills which is scary, I am still in a state of issues. When I move around I am not in as much pain usually when I lay down and or sleep or sit, thou right now I am doing good supplements are sort of working, not fully sleeping thou… I am trying to find meaning when I dont have much.

This song reminds me of my doctor… he never gaslighted me he told me help me, my mom warned me said sounds too good to me true, she met him she liked him before surgery, after he slowly disappeared, reappeared when I ended back hospital and had lot complications… I then had few infections which I was pissing blood, receptionist hates me, at this point she flat ignored me, I cant get thru anyone else, I told her needed antibotic test came back positive for uti I was peeing blood a month ago, she delayed responding to me… put me into panic…I was trying to see my old doctors they were throwing me out office bc this doc suppose be seeing me, finally got my drugs… still stressed… finally i got call from him, he said this nerve damage put me on this goofy drug which then i loved my doctor, I started feeling great, I started realizing this drug is bad for you, totally wacked fuck out, it like pot… after 3 weeks being stupid, just gave me memory issues, almost got into few car accidents, breathing issues laying on chest, just completely out of it… I went off it, complications going off couldnt hold my bladder, that was horrible… anyways that stopped… nerve damage came back, started all types vitamin B and curcumin, and so far well I am waking up at night, one good thing about drug above I slept soooo well, so much so all bad I keep saying I am still getting more of drug I am not going on it yet. I need sleep so bad.. anyways I am waking up now 7 times, burning electric is better… I haven’t heard word from my doctor, my receptionist will not answer my calls or respond anything… I will see new doc but if they dont know nerve damage or endo..

ugh… shot down

my doctor shot me down