Unofficial Christmas with boys

Well, it didn’t happen today. This was probably one of the worst days I’ve had in a long time.

They all had “other” plans. I had day off from work, where according to the hundred of texts I’ve received in the last few hours is a fucking mess. I don’t even manage the place, yet it’s being laid at my feet.

The afternoon person is “sick” so our worst employee is going to stay on until 11 tonight and the worlds laziest cashier on the overnight, so I know I am walking into a shit show tomorrow.

Maybe I am fantasizing a world where my boys still really care for me and not the reality where it all got fucked up by the divorce. I don’t get a happy ending. I don’t get the happy little family I always dreamed of, instead I get the convenient pop up kid visit when someone needs something.

She won.

I don’t know what wrong I caused, but I am paying for it dearly. I have no family, friends, or close relationships with the boys like I wanted. I didn’t cheat, I didn’t lie, and I didn’t take for granted, but the world is punishing me as if I did. While other “shit” people live their lives, I have to suffer alone.

I get it, I’m not dying of cancer. I have my health. All my limbs. Yada yada yada.