Christmas

I don’t have it in me. The “Christmas” spirit. I miss it. I’ve tried this year, I did. This year I literally have nothing for the boys. No special specific gifts. I really don’t know them anymore. I don’t even know me anymore.

I’m miserable, that’s all I know.

The happiness is somewhere in me. I kind of feel it, but can’t get it out. Maybe it’s because it’s not shown towards me. I deal with grumpy customers and coworkers. I’m stuck all week at work, while much younger people can have off.

I want a Christmas like it was before the divorce. I want to be with family for the “build up”. That’s what is missing. All I have to look forward to is the dread. Working on a day where everyone should be off, but no I work for heathens. No appreciation shown other than double time that they cut away the next week by cutting hours.

Maybe it’s the person I am working with today. No doubt she is in pain, but the lack of energy and the “woe is me” that comes off her sits on my shoulders like a thousand pound monkey. I’m bad enough, but coupled with her, I want to go hang myself in the back room.

I keep busy, but this place is like the Bermuda triangle and time works different here. There is no “busy” time that flies. It crawls…

And I have to do this everyday until next Friday.