Just the cranky B who lives here..

Well what I was hoping to be a relaxing Sunday was actually the devil in disguise. Started off awesome, went to breakfast with my husband and he said we should order some mimosas since we both had bit of a hangover from the previous night (holiday dinner at a club we are a member of) We both drank them and ate our breakfast and had a good time. About halfway through he ordered four more mimosas for us to share… well we drank those and i was feeling pretty tipsy so i wanted to go home. We went home and he starts drinking beer, I sat on the couch to relax and work on some xmas projects and husband went to his computer like he always does, put on his headset and began scream talking with his friends while drinking beer. This went on for HOURS. I got up and went to the store to get something for dinner and when i got home he was still in the same spot chugging beer and yelling.

Now he was relatively behaving in the sense that he wasn’t wrecking anything or arguing with me or doing anything he wasn’t supposed to but he was talking so loud i had to turn the TV up just to hear what I was watching. We ate dinner, him at his desk like usual while he continued to drink and yell talk with his buddies. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t act on my annoyance I just left him be to do as he pleased. 7:30 rolls around and its time for me and my daughter to watch our show. We had the TV up so loud but he was just yelling louder so we gave up. She went to bed and I stayed on the couch trying to watch a show. At about 11:30 I had a headache and i was tired so i wanted to go to bed. As i got up i noticed he was very drunk and slurring his words and it made me nervous to leave him unsupervised. The rest of the night he continued to be loud and knock into things on his way to the bathroom and he also clogged the toilet and peed all over the place.

I was annoyed but i tried to be good and let it slide but he knows how anxious i get when he gets hammered drunk like that, he knows he is loud and that i had to work in the morning at 8AM but he did not care. He only cares about what his wants and needs are. Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling undervalued. Un-appreciated. If you knew something was going to bother your spouse would you still do it? I don’t.

I feel like i should at least be allowed to be annoyed by the whole thing but no. According to him i annoy him constantly and I’m just awful and miserable so he can do what he likes and i should have no opinion or feelings about it.

His drinking keeps getting worse and he doesn’t think there’s a problem. He doesn’t care that it bothers me and he doesn’t care that he treats me poorly when he’s drunk. He usually says “well what did you do to set me off” its always my fault.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I try really really hard but nobody ever tries for me. Nobody sees me as someone worth putting effort into.