Work

For as much as this job drives me nuts, it’s one of the only things keeping me “sane”.

I live paycheck to paycheck, more of a accounting issue then anything. Retail therapy is a bitch when you’re depressed.

It’s like the solutions to my issues are just right there outside of my vision. My constant guilt and shame over a divorce I had no control over drives my depression. Yes, I know my problem. I know my solution, but the one just overwhelms the other..

I will leave here and want to get my son to go out. I can’t afford it. I can’t do it. But I want for nothing more then the hour with him. I miss all of them, just their presence. That’s what kills me .

I’m a ruined man. Mentally and physically. I can’t “perform” if I had someone in my life. Yep, somehow that went to shit on me too. Doesn’t help a dating profile let alone a stress breaker.

I continue to write here to seek help. What help I don’t know, but something.

rav diablo

2 days ago

You’re looking for help in the wrong place, friend. That’s why therapists exist.

1 reply

@ravdiablo sometimes I get better advice here. Not knocking therapy. I’ve had good and I have had worse

El Kay

I hope that switch will turn for you someday where the solution overwhelms the problem instead of vice versa. I do see glimmers of it happening every now and then in your writing, so I know it’s in you. And you’re doing more refocusing on the positive (Thanksgiving was ‘awesome’ I believe you said. Not a typical word seen in your writing lol) So it’s acknowledging the negative exists but not giving it as much space, as the positives slowly fill that space instead.

Dandelion Tea

Writing here is therapeutic for me too. I like therapy, too, but my therapist is a bit unconventional and that’s why I like him. You are sounding a bit better, and I’m glad you see I have the job to keep you sane. I don’t have a job, and my outings are therapy and doctor visits.