Break

I love days like this. Seriously, I do. Days where it feels like you have opportunity, where it doesn’t feel aimless and miserable and you actually have a sense of direction; things just seem to go well, and I won’t take that for granted. Obviously, not much has changed in the larger scheme of things, and there are still problems to be addressed when the time is right, but it’s so refreshing when I get a day like this. Everything just goes smoothly. Even with that, I feel like I’m getting better at writing. Not just in terms of this and this journal kind of medium, but in general. I feel more fluid, faster, more efficient, and consistent. I feel my fingers dancing across my keys a lot smoother, and accurate. I can write more vividly, and with much more impressive speed. I’m still yet to start writing for myself, but I’ll go one step at a time.

My new microphone came today, too. It’s so much clearer than using a headset, its kind of weird hearing myself back with such clarity, but I get a bit giddy when I have a new piece of tech to fiddle with. It’s hard to maneuver it with it on my desk, and it gets in the way more often than I’d like, but at least the bright lights inside and newfound sense of superiority I get compensate for any shortcomings of my situation.

I did my injection again yesterday too. I’ve upped my dose. I always wonder if there’s a better way I can do it, feeling that bruise and that bump underneath for the next few weeks has me wondering every time I do it. At least it goes down almost completely by the next time I have to do that location again. I’ve come a long way from how I used to do it. For my first time, I took almost a whole hour. Wasted syringes, liquid, needles, alcohol wipes, I ended up getting very frustrated. It was a big life-changing thing for me, and I couldn’t give up at the finish line, not now. With enough mental force, I ended up accidentally puncturing my skin, it was go big or go home, and big I went. Now, I barely think twice about it. It takes me no longer than 5 minutes. I believe it was mostly nerves the first time, not knowing how bad it would hurt only to find out it made me wince at worst. It was a bigger mental hurdle, though, and one I now leap over.

I like progression. I like when things go forward and there’s good change and I can recognise that I’m going places. It beats that constant standstill feeling that really drains you eventually. Having purpose, conviction, something to put your mind towards, I’d go out on a limb to say that its one of the strongest bastions against feeling worthless, useless, or feeling down in general. It puts things in a new perspective for you, and I believe that’s the advice that I can urge people to incorporate for themselves, if I really am in any position to give advice. It’ll help you forget, at least, for a little while. That little while might be all you need, and if it is then I’d encourage everyone to just do something.

I won’t try and needlessly stretch this one out today, I do not feel the need to. I am content, as it stands right now. I am hungry, and I will go and make toast. Call a friend, go on a walk, try writing yourself, find motivation to keep yourself moving. Thank you, once again.