Boundaries

I really like my new(ish) therapist. She’s been helping me a lot with my boundaries. That was an accidental thing but it’s so far pretty awesome. It seems the more I respect my own boundaries, the happier I am. It’s a shame but I’m making myself NOT do things I would have done a year ago. Some of that is….‘making myself not help people lol. I hate douchebags that are like “durrr im so nice i just cant stop helping people”….. it’s not like that. I help people whenever and wherever I can not because I’m a good person, but because my dumb ass is seeking validation. So I’m backing off of things. I’m not volunteering to give people rides if they’re not asking. I’m not offering to pay for things for my family when they “need” rhings. I’m not going the extra mile for people. Again, I didn’t do these things because I’m a good person. I may be a good person, I may not be. Who knows. But it’s not why I did nice things for people. Even though it felt like I was. I felt like, good about things because I didn’t want anyone to go without or feel disappointment or loss or even some minor inconveniences. I’m learning to take a step back and LET them feel that because it’s part of the human experience and I shouldn’t be using that for my own personal validation. I’m learning to give my own damn self that validation.

that includes my daughter too. I’m not jumping to give her everything in the world. As much as I’d love to, I can’t. I’m stretched too thin.

anyway, I need sleep. I accidentally drank caffeine and now I’m struggling to get tired.