The Drunken Days

Saturday, 30 April 2022

 

I painted this morning when I got home from work. Last week I got two painting pads with 10 sheets in each pad. It bowed up pretty quickly when I was painting. I liked the painting at first but then I just kept adding more and more and it ended up muddy. I got so frustrated and ending up destroying it. I’ve got to quit that shit. I’m brand new at painting, most paintings aren’t even gonna be close to perfect. I want to teach myself which techniques and brushes are going to work for me, and I’ll never figure that out if I continue to get frustrated and destroy paintings.

I’m such a bratty child sometimes. Like I look back on my behavior this morning and I’m embarrassed I acted that way. I need to remember that less is more. I need to learn patience at the freakin age of 35!

Not much more happened on shift last night. It finally died down.

Lee Ann and Nicholas picked me up from work this morning and we drove out to {FM Road} and past {music festival} but it didn’t look as busy as I remember it being in high school. I can’t believe my parents let me go to {music festival} one year on a school night! I had to be at school the next day with no excuses.

I remember one time I went to {Army Base} with Ashley B and we went for a Ludacris concert and I got so drunk. Me and Ashley got into a fight, so her friend drove me to {Texas town} to meet my dad at like 4am. I didn’t even say anything to my dad when I got in the truck. He just covered me up with his jacket and we drove back to {hometown}. I know my dad knew I was drunk. I had to go to school the next day hungover and science class with Mr. L was first period and thank God because he was pretty chill.

My parents knew I drank when I was in high school and even after high school before I was 21. They never got on to me and never seemed upset with me as long as I was being responsible and at a safe place. They only ever got upset with me when I got my DWI in March of 2007. My dad said I wasn’t taking it seriously and he thought I didn’t give a shit that I had gotten a DWI, but I did care because I thought my life would be so difficult from there on out but honestly, getting a DWI was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I learned a lot (two words, thank you, Mrs. S) and I think I matured from it. Thank God for Shannon M. I called her that Monday and she told me to call a local judge and tell him that I wanted to do pretrial, and he said the only way I could do pretrial was if my BAC was under 0.17, now it’s 0.15. He told me I didn’t have to go to court because I would be going through his court. I called him every other day for two weeks to see if he had gotten the report to see what my BAC was. He finally said one day that he had gotten my report and that my BAC was 0.15 on one test and 0.16 on another test. I barely got by. I was on probation for a year and only had one UA. Of course, it was the day after I had a margarita at dinner.

I was an alcoholic for sure from the age of 18 to 22. There was no doubt. I drank and got drunk every day for those 5 years. I traveled for HEB going to different stores and helping them do resets. I enjoyed being on the road and staying in hotels and doing whatever I wanted to do once I got off the clock. I drank myself to sleep every night and I think it was because I was lonely and confused in my head about my sexuality. I came out as Bi the first time ever to my co-workers at the {Texas town} reset because I had the biggest crush on this girl that worked at the {Texas town} store and her name was Cynthia and she had a twin name Deliah. They were so much fun to party with. We went to a Mexican club and that’s where they introduced me to Mexican dancing and Boom Boom by the Kumbia Kings. I was sad when I had to leave M town and come back to A town.

I was brand new at the A Town HEB and was hardly ever there because I was on the road, so I didn’t know anyone my age in A Town to hang out with. I mainly hung out with CD and Jud and I couldn’t stand Jud most of the time. So, I was lonely and drinking only made things disappear from my head for a short time. Hell, I even convinced the VICE PRESIDENT OF HEB to come to one of my hotel parties and I got the VP of HEB wasted. (This was in 2008. He’s no longer the VP) Drinking at that age was fun but it did nothing to help me in the long run but produce great memories. I finally (I say ‘finally’ but it should really be ‘unfortunately’) met Dani in January of 2008.

I was so excited to finally meet a girl that liked me and that I liked. We texted constantly. I was working overnight at this time and I would lose sleep during the day so I could stay up and text her. Also, she would get so upset when I wouldn’t text her constantly. I felt guilty about it at that time because I didn’t know any better and I really liked her. I came out to Jud and CD one night when we were all really drunk and told them I had a girlfriend. Jud wasn’t surprised and I don’t think CD was either, but she tried so hard to deny it. Dani came to visit about two weeks after we started talking. She lived in Oklahoma City and had to come to me because my license was suspended because of my DWI. CD hated her from the moment they met. Dani actually caused some tension between me and my sister, but like I said, I didn’t know any better and I was really in love with Dani. She was my first girlfriend, and I was finally free. I came out to my parents, even though my dad states that I never officially came out. LOL. My mom figured it out because there ain’t nothing you can hide from momma, even 100 miles away.

CD eventually decided that she was going to move back home but I had to stay in A Town because of being on probation. I had to give up my position for traveling with HEB due to being on probation and my license being suspended. Dani did take me to my last reset in M Town and stayed with me.

Dani moved in when CD moved out and I wish I would have known then what I know now because me and Dani would of never made it three years.

Dani worked at Red Lobster when she first moved in and became friend with a lesbian named Danielle. Danielle and her girlfriend suddenly broke up so we helped her move out and move in with us. I freakin loved Danielle. She was a few years older, but she was seriously the best friend I needed at that time because I had lost touch with Jenny because she was going to Tech and was too good for me.

I read an IM message one night when Dani left her computer open while she was as work, and she had been messaging some girl about fucking her with a dildo. Danielle told me I needed to break up with Dani and that we could live together and make it. I should of listened to her. I wasn’t romantically interested in Danielle but she really was my best friend and I told her everything. She wanted me and her to move to Austin, where she was from. I wish I would have made that jump and leave Dani in the dust and live my best life in Austin, but again, I couldn’t move because I was on probation.

We moved into a huge four-bedroom house. The kitchen was the huge. The dining room was huge. We had a living room and a den. There was a barn / shed in the backyard. It was a great party house.

I had finally made friends at HEB. Kristin had never spoke to me before, but she was the front-end manager in the mornings, and I worked over nights. She caught my attention because she was cute.

I was in the bathroom one day and she came in and asked me to help her take her nose ring out. LOL. We started talking every day after that and she eventually introduced me to Sara. We were a fun trio. I also hung out with Jennalee and Kim. We would have such big parties at our house like seriously every weekend. I was finally off probation and was enjoying my freedom in A Town.

Danielle didn’t really fit in with my HEB friends and she found her own set of friends and was a dating a trans guy.

One night Dani had to work the next day because she was finally working for DirecTV and making good money. Anyways, me, Danielle, her boyfriend Ryan and his female friend Lou went out to club boobs which was the only gay club in A Town. Me and Lou started talking and she was a pretty cute butch. After a few drinks, she was all over me! We were making out, dancing, holding hands, all over each other. I started to get uncomfortable though because I felt bad about acting that way and being in a relationship with Dani.

I remember asking Danielle to sit in the backseat with me so that Lou would have to sit up front and not be all over me.

We get back to the house and go out to the barn to drink and hang out so we wouldn’t wake Dani up. Again, Lou was all over me and I was super uncomfortable at this time because I was scared that Dani was going to wake up and find us. I finally told Lou that I was going to bed. I went to bed and looked at Dani who was sleeping peacefully and I felt so bad that I had cheated on her. But then I laid in bed and came to the conclusion that I could have pretty much anyone and that I could be so much happier with someone else.

Dani was so controlling and emotional. We fought all the damn time but when it was good, it was great. A lot happened in the first 8 months of our relationship. We had moved to a new house. I finally had friends at work. We were partying and BBQing (god, I miss Jennalee’s banana pudding) every weekend. My social life was great. I had the bestest of friends. I had even started hanging out with a guy that worked with us at HEB named Carter. We had our own little gang at HEB.

One night, I went to Taco Bell to get dinner and was in the drive through when….

We got busy and I couldn’t finish.

-Peace-