A little bit of everything

It’s the end of the day. Would be the end of the week if I didn’t have two stupid jobs and need to work in the morning. Ugh. I should be sleeping but it always takes me awhile to even remotely be ready to fall asleep.

How’d work go? Fine. Was it awkward? Slightly too begin as Cody really wasn’t talking to me. I just kept being my normal self and he eventually would talk. He wouldn’t make eye contact though. Then suddenly the other cook from the morning came in and he took off early. Never gave him his watch bands. Heard the other cook say some things which really confirmed my feeling. He relapsed. I’d bet money on it. That’s why we aren’t talking. I’ll call him on his shit and won’t tolerate it. He knows this. I’m sad. He’ll be in prison in no time. I have a feeling we’ll work together tomorrow morning as the 3rd morning cook is still in jail. If given the chance I am calling him on his shit. I’m officially done caring for a relationship with him. However, I will always be his friend whether he likes it or not. Especially if he doesn’t like it because he isn’t clean.

My last entry I said I’d write about Jeff next time. That’s done. Completely done. Closed. Over forever. I’ve nicknamed him to my stalker and blocked him on every app out there. He messaged me. Then changed to Instagram. When I quit opening those he switched to Snapchat. I eventually realized last weekend he was switching apps to things that showed if I opened them as texts don’t show it. He wasn’t supposed to be sending gifts or showing up. He sent me a $500+ robot vacuum mop. Then showed up with tamales one day. That last day I saw him I knew I felt no connection and wasn’t interested. He wouldn’t take no for an answer though. Still dead set he’d call 11/1 and ask me and I’d be ready. I just needed time. Noooooo. So I quit responding and quit opening all messages. After telling him I really didn’t think it would work. Thinking that he’d go away. Nah, the snaps continue. Getting worse. Then I realize – I bet he’s watching my SNAP location. So I blocked him on Snapchat. It was less than an hour and he was texting me craziness. Calling back to back. Accusing me of being back with Max. That I’ve thrown him away hundreds of times. He’s just my backup plan.

Dude. You can’t throw away someone you’ve been telling you aren’t together with for months. I threw him away ONCE if you want to call it that. At first I was worried I was pushing him away because he was nice to me. Nah. Dude isn’t just nice to me. This is literally obsessed. Craziness. I replied the next day after blocking him on more things. That I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t feel the same. And pointed out now that I’ve saw his volatility twice I was completely done even considering it. He replied later, assuming when he was sober, his messages weren’t sent in anger and he just realized he deserved to be first and someone’s priority and it just my back up plan. Blah blah blah.

Dodged a bullet there I think.

Tonight, I’m as annoyed with my mom as usual. Just that she thinks buying people big ticket items buys her love and favoritism. She’s buying my grandparents house and giving it to my daughter. Literally. I’m happy for my daughter.

Yet, I’m not happy. Knowing this gives my mom control of her. She’s falling into the trap I’ve tried so hard to escape from myself. Nothing is free with my mom. Nothing. The price is your soul.

I’m angry she couldn’t give me a decent childhood but can give my kids expensive crazy shit. She should have been a mom damn it. This brings up feelings. So many feelings. A lot of anger.

She then told me I was to go to dinner tomorrow night with her, the kids and my Grandma. Ummmm, I already have plans and won’t even be in town. Oh. She didn’t ask what knowing I wouldn’t tell her but had an attitude the rest of the time I was visiting my Grandma.

Being around her is painful. I can’t wait to return to full no contact. Seriously.

Tomorrow I’ve made plans to hang out with Tom and drive some more. I’m not sure what the actual plan is. We talked about carving pumpkins and also a haunted house thing. He just didn’t want me to book the tickets until he knew if he worked Sunday morning. Or going out. Or just staying in and watching a movie. So we shall see.

I’m excited and hoping it’s fun and flows as easy again. I know I always like everyone but I do really like this guy so far. He’s sweet, nice, responsive. He texts me back timely and even texts first. He seems to genuinely want to hang out. He’s mentioned that I’ve probably experienced every first already but he’d like to be the first to show me how a real gentleman treats a woman. Sounds appealing to me. So, I do remind myself I like everyone but I’m excited to see where this goes in the coming weeks. I’m hoping it goes somewhere good. For sure.

Alright, I better sleep. 5:30 am comes SOON. Not excited to work but sure excited for the money.