These are the times that scare me

The quiet somewhat normal. That’s what’s going on. I “worked” today so I accomplished something. I just talked to my boys, well the ones with phones that is. I would have the youngest over if I actually had stuff and wasn’t essentially trapped in by the neighbors shitty parking systle..

But these “quiet” moments scare me. If I was it would be now.

No one is free to come over or really talk. I can’t find Jack to watch or entertain myself with. Like I said , boxed in, but not stuck in yet I would never get my truck back in to a spot. (This particularly pisses me off because I am one of the most consistent people at this fucking apartment)

My go to “talkers” are all silent and I really don’t have any real “issues” to wind up calling a crisis line about even though I feel full on crisis mode.

I can tell when my oldest wants to talk , tonight isn’t that day. My Ethan couldn’t have gotten me off the phone fast enough, but he’s had a full day and will probably drop in a few hours too.

I guess no one needs me and once again I feel like if they say was to ever happen, well….

My head is all funny due to sinus and I have that pressure headache that just sits there like a lump and they fact I blew off the last 4 months makes he hate the accomplished silence in normally would have earned.