Gimme Love

I spent the last week bouncing back-and-forth between Bakersfield Los Angeles, as I attempted to get some of the last things that I had at the house. I didn’t want to run into my partner, he’s an alcoholic and… I can’t even begin to describe that situation and you could only understand it if you have lived through it.

I was able to retrieve some plants. These were some of the most important things to me because they represented my life. And they’re alive. They bring me joy. Some of them I’ve had for more than 25 years.

Today as I’m adjusting back to life in Northern California, whatever this is right now, I got a message from a friend. She and I are really connecting hard because her father also died. A week after mine. And I was really good friends with him, so there’s just this whole added layer to our grief.

In exchanging songs Sia came up.

I texted her the music. And then, as Sia began to sing in the music played, I had to pull my car over and fall apart. I don’t know, and I don’t care how many times that I have to do this, this is what I feel and I’m OK with that but honestly listening to this song I’m left with a question of what did I just do for the last 21 years, but ask for him, my partner, who never got close to me, and was always more into drinking, to give me love.

Gimme Love.