Possibly the strangest night ever

Without getting into it, tonight has got to have been to most strangest uncomfortable weirdest nights ever and it’s left me feeling somewhat icky. The most icky i have ever felt in 53 years. Like i need counseling ick.

It’s possibly made me even more  depressed about my situation in life then the self sabotage i have committed to be here and i have absolutely no one to talk to about it, but kind of feel like i shouldn’t.

Other people may be alright with things like this but i just feel like i reached a new low when all it really was people trying to show caring in their own odd way.

Except why do i feel like i have somehow lost faith in everything i thought i was? God i miss my ex and my family life. I hate this weird as fuck single life and what this fucked up world is becoming. Is normalcy wrong? I’m i wrong for wanting it? What am i afraid of? Why can’t people understand me and why do i allow the “fringe” into my life because i am lonely 🥺.

I feel dirty, even though nothing like that happened, i just feel like an old man that the world passed by and left in the mud. These people were trying to help me and i couldn’t feel any worse now.

What’s wrong with me.