Alone

For some reason it’s really hit me tonight that I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Used to think that somehow Patty would fall back into my life if something happened, but she won’t. Neither will anyone else.

I’ve never been by myself for years like I have these last six. Hell, I never been made to fell like such a outcast like I have too.

With the eviction and the last three months of unemployment on top of the depression, I just want to give up. By give up I mean end it.

My boys. The only people who would miss me. Would they miss me? That’s the evil in my head. Id leave them about as useless as I am for them now. There’s really no remember when with them. There’s Dad was here, then one day he cried, left, and the new guy moved in. Without missing a beat. The new guy took us camping, to amusement parks, and trips. Dad breakdown at least twice when he spends an hour or two with us watching YouTube.

Oh the cherry on top, my mental health group dropped me. Ofcourse the sent so alternative groups, but just like that, just like my friends, my siblings, and the love of my life, just done and over. No discussion, just end.

So why not end it? No one’s ever considered me when they ended it with me. I don’t want to be alone anymore.