This is wild…

So, I can’t believe this still exists.  20 years later.  Just spent an afternoon reading my life from 20 years ago.  So much has changed, and so much is still the same.

I married the guy I fell in love with in 2005.  We tried to have kids… and failed.  Kel and Joe got married.  They have 2 kids.  Teresa married her person, Tim.  When Ryan left for the job in Northern Cal, he never moved back.  He is now married with 2 kids living in San Fran.  Chris and I made some peace and he is married with a daughter. Laura is still in my life, but Steve and Erin are not. Tony is married with a son, and though he lives nearby, we don’t see each other very often.  Brother is married with 2 kids in North Carolina, and sister is in Northern Cal.

I am writing this in my parents house, as I spend most weekends here, helping my mom to care for my dad.  Having found this, I am tempted to pick it back up.  I have had a hard time writing in journals, and something online may actually help.  Debating if I want to be private, or have it out in the open.  I suppose it depends on where this takes me.

Hearing my 20 year old self talk about the things which have been memories in my mind was… well, a mixture of things:

• Proud of her for who she was
• Sad for her pain
• Amazed at how much pain is still there
• Shocked at how depressed I was then
• Realization that I have dealt with depression since I was 15.
• I still love that music
• Some of my poetry was good.  Some was very cringe
• I’ve lost a big part of who I was – and I’m not sure what I replaced it with.

I have no idea who all is out there reading these.  When I was here before, it was folks about my own age – teens/twenties.  I wonder if it is still that, or if it will be the same folks not, just older – 30s/40s.  I guess here goes.  We will see if this continues.  Otherwise, it will be a really odd footnote to my story – Like a time traveler giving an update.