I’m not what I post.

I know my posts have been very woe is me, but I’m not that in real life. I just don’t express my dark feelings. I don’t talk about the things I’ve felt or over come. I have ALWAYS painted on a happy face. I have always been the life of the party. I have always been the one to make you laugh. I have always forced a smile. I have been in pain for a long time. I have suffered in silence and inflicted so much pain to my mind and body.  I have always been the one who cares so fucking deeply for the people I meet and the people I love? Forget it I will torture myself to love them but I shouldn’t. It eats me alive every single day. I think I have taken my misfortune and turned it into love. BUT that’s not to say this shit gets heavy. Everyone relies on me to be the positive one and sometimes I just can’t fucking take it. I carry so much shit deep in me that I just can’t seem to express. Every line starts with “I” and I feel so fucking selfish for it so I’ve taken to anonymous posting because I don’t want anyone to know my feelings, thoughts, or struggles. I am a genuine happy person on typical days but that’s not to say I don’t struggle. ALOT.