Frenemy

noun: frenemy; plural noun: frenemies

a person with whom one is friendly despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.

 

Woke up to a 4 a.m. text from Vicki.

She and Roger have now been together for years and I guess my number is the one she calls when she suspects him of cheating, OR…it’s the only number she knows.

Maybe it’s both.

I should have continued to ignore her, but I couldn’t resist the opportunity to let her know that she is barking up the wrong fucking tree.

This woman thinks she is fooling me by acting like she cares about me. It’s so obvious that she just wants to let me know they are still together and at the same time quell her fears that the undoubtable other woman could be me.

Like I said, it’s been years, but she apparently still thinks I am some kind of threat. So, once again, I pointed out the fact that it isn’t me that is emotionally hurting her, knowingly or unknowingly.

It was so hard to stop looking for a reason why he didn’t say goodbye. I did finally stop looking for the reason though, when I realized I already knew it.

The reason was because he didn’t care about my feelings anymore. I didn’t matter. He was on to something new. That’s the reason.

The answer was there all along. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe it until enough time went by that I could no longer deny the truth.

I told her she didn’t have to worry about me contacting him, either, because I have too much pride to keep after a man that avoids me. Especially when I can find one that’s interested in me.

It hurts to be strong. I think she forgets that I lost my daddy.

It hurts when she contacts me. It reminds me of the pain and the rejection I felt.

She passively aggressively tried to get out of me whether or not I have “moved on” and I hate to tell her she’d be the last person I’d tell any of my business to.

I would say I wonder why she’s so insecure, but I know all too well why.

I’d be insecure too if I had seen the man I love completely discard someone else to pursue me. I’d be wondering when history was going to repeat itself and now Roger is fucked because she will never trust him even if she IS the one he is finally faithful to.

That’s the irony I guess.

And it is hard to feel sorry for her when she admitted she knew that he cared deeply for someone else and made it a contest to snag her man, regardless of that fact.

Instead, she blames ME for withholding information about myself that she thought she deserved to know for some reason.

She is conniving and her fake concern doesn’t begin to camouflage her disdain for me.

As if I came over and took a giant shit on her lawn, when in reality she was on my property line to begin with.

I can’t believe the same old shit is still going down over there.

It’s like a really bad version of ground hog’s day and apparently the discord continues.

I can only imagine what she’s doing awake and feisty at 4 am and I don’t want to be in a world where I become privy to the reason.

She reopens the wound that I already struggle to keep closed and I don’t know why she keeps coming back.

Now the time has come.

Welcome to my blocked number list. Not many people make it there, but you finally did.

Now you can wonder where your man is and the mental torture can keep you awake at night, just like it did me. The difference? I didn’t have anyone to talk to, nobody to call, including the man I had loved for 15 years.

I didn’t even have dial tone.

I hung on at the end of a dead line.

Now you can, too.