This day

Twenty-three years ago, I had already been sent home from work for the day. I remember how it all started as I was getting ready for work. Even though I’m in LA, I had a very early start time of 7:30 AM. I’d already seen both towers collapse, and I guess, not knowing what else I was supposed to do, I drove to the office. Some folks were there; others were not. Just the day before, I’d purchased tickets to go to NY on September 26 to visit my friend who lived at the time in Manhattan. After they sent us home, I went out and rented a rug doctor and cleaned my apartment from top to bottom maniacally. I had CNN on the whole day. I guess with the world feeling completely out of control, doing a deep-clean of my space gave me some sense of order.

What I didn’t know at the time was that the sensation of anxiety mixed with dread and uncertainty would become the predominant sensation of the 21st century. I was 30 when the clock struck midnight on December 31, 1999. I still have lived most of my life in the 20th century and feel like a stranger in the 21st. The world I was born into died on September 11, 2001. For me, that day is year zero. I have never quite found my footing in this world of constant crisis and chaos. I don’t think my students, most born shortly before or after day one of year zero, have found theirs either. Indeed, what footing can you have on such unstable ground? They arrive in my classroom with accommodation letters spelling out their various diagnosis and how I need to modify my lesson plans accordingly. I’m not making fun of them – I’m not. I’m saying the world is broken, and the children of this new world are broken with it.

There are ways of fixing the world, but we’d have to do challenging and selfless things to get there. We haven’t done hard and selfless things since the 20th century. When was the last time? World War II? Maybe we’ll do them again.