Monday morning thoughts
It’s 5:57am. I have work at 8am….in two hours I have to be there. I don’t want to go to the gym. I rather stay in bed. I rather put a facial mask on and take a warm bath and eat breakfast then go…then while at work, I’m only going to eat two snacks and lunch then dinner when I get home and have at least one gallon of water by filling my Stanley cup at least three times fully with water(occasionally adding ice). I guess I understand the Stanley cup obsession only a little bit. It helps with hydration intake….maybe. Not really…but whatever.
I don’t know how to feel. My weird ass cried my eyes out when I first woke up, thinking about where I am in life and where I have to be in a couple hours. I should be so thankful for a job, right?
im being ungrateful right? Can’t see the bigger picture? Faithless? I don’t know what I am…call me what you want…but I’m over this situation.
I uploaded hinge and meetup…two dating apps. Then I’m going to commit to walking around equinox for a walk or shop at the grocery store nearby. I don’t know…I need to figure it out. I don’t want to fish for anyone though. I’m asexual and don’t even like anyone…I figured it would be nice to meet someone who’s rich and be their friend…not that they’d want to be friends with me though. I WANT MY OWN SHIT INSTEAD OF THEIRS.
I wonder how’s work going to be. Who knows….
I just know I want happiness. And happiness is a choice right? I’m slowly hating everything.
im about to eat breakfast and get ready for work. I’m going to leave at 7:15…basically an hour from now to be there for 8am. I better go now.
Dear Father,
I’m a confused soul. I wonder about your existence. Your plan for my life. And if I even matter enough to you…
I feel overlooked and that maybe life is all a butterfly effect. I don’t know. Sometimes, I feel like life sucks so much that maybe I should have a baby and give my all to his/her upbringing. But I don’t really want kids.
I prefer to have horses. I prefer to go around the world and help the hungry. I’m trying to do good while I’m waiting…working with Anabel and Ms. Smith…but I’m working so much that I can’t even focus on my own career.
I pray that my agency will do what they can to help me. I really need your help Father. I really do feel like I’m drowning.
when I worked this weekend for that $250, I felt miserable because I wanted to be in my own bed. I had plenty of work to do but for some reason, I had absolutely no energy. I did smoke multiple times…but I feel like it made me do better at my job….even enjoy my job more.
help me with my addiction. I hadn’t smoked since yesterday morning. Please help me find a balance. Let me not need to smoke…I feel like I need it sometimes…but I realize that is the nicotine that makes me feel that way.
I feel anxious Father. I have to go to work soon. I have to be around a lot of people at one time. I have to be smiley and happy so people won’t know how miserable I am.
i wish for a happy life. I would be happier if I had the means to focus on my career. I would like if I had an audition, you could somehow clear the way and make room for me to be able to memorize and be prepared.
and Father, my memory. Help me make the necessary changes needed to be better. I’m going to read to Anabel every single day. Maybe that will help. I’m not sure…but I’m going to try my hardest to find happiness.
ill find happiness in my breakfast, talking to the other old lady’s caregiver, and listening to my own songs in the car on the way to work. I’m going to find joy in my morning drive to work and not be rushed or late. I only have thirty minutes now to get ready.
i pray to be better at singing, songwriting, acting and dancing. I also pray for the ability to write my own film one day. I have no idea what it will be about…but hopefully it will be meaningful.
help me with my life Lord….amen