The big let down

Today is the kids first day back to school. I got the standard pics from Patty, but I miss being there for them. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I wish I had a better “divorced” relationship with her. I want to be there with my kids not this whenever we can bullshit.

Who am I kidding, I will never have anything remotely like that with her. I can’t be near for a minute before I tear up. Man she really ruined me..

So another day of unemployment has gone by and I’m slowly going insane from it all. I have an interview on Monday but my anxiety and fear are fucking with my head about this job and it’s nothing more than a cashier’s job. I managed convenience stores, why is this giving me so much grief.

I would really like just to have the boys around so I can feel again.

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September 4, 2024

Awe, try to be gentle with yourself, you’re going through SO much stress and grief right now. I would be in my own head as well. Just try to put one foot in front of the other, focus on what you can control and do within the next hour. Then the one after that. Give yourself plenty of grace and rest… We are all struggling along with you, most just keep it silent.