Alone
Out of the last almost 6 years I have never felt more alone as I do recently.aybe because the mental issues, IDK.
I don’t contemplate suicidal thoughts because at the end of the day it would be one of my kids finding me. I still wouldn’t mind not waking up, but some messy horrible things, no. I guess it would be terrible either way because it would probably be weeks for someone to actually think something was wrong.
I don’t have a comfy apartment at all. It’s hot and muggy, can’t afford AC, hell I can’t afford to even live here. Even with a fan on me and a ceiling fan going full out it feels like I’m laying in a dirty mouth.
Mornings suck when you have nothing to do and you’re depressed. About the only time the bed seems comfortable, but then the self hate starts.
YouTube sucks after you watch all the same funny fails stuff and reading has become harder for some reason when I can’t quiet the mind.
About 12 years ago I got a call from my first ex telling me out daughter was gone. it’s never became any easier. I lost a lot in 12 years, you would think fate or karma would balance things.
But no, I’m sitting here alone writing this hopeless and hoping it can or will help, but it really doesn’t.
I’m sorry to hear things are so hard.
I’m aways amazed at how much a quick shower can cool off.
Warning Comment
First, I’m so very sorry about your daughter. That takes a huge piece out of you that can never be replaced.
I’m glad you’re considering your other kids. I’ve known a couple people whose parents committed suicide, and they’re messed up adults as a result.
So you’re stuck with nothing to do and that gives you way too much time to overthink and that does a number on your head. At least when you were working that sucky job you got out of your head for awhile. Tomorrow, go outside. Find 5 different birds, or plants, or bugs or cars or whatever. Identify them, Google them, learn something about them, write about them. Next day do the same. You need to get out of your head, at least for awhile.
Did you do the phone interview?
@elkay yes did interview and got the thanks but no thanks letter already
@newt316 Dang. Well at least they aren’t going to cruelly string you along for a week.
Warning Comment