Addict

Well that didn’t last long. As soon as I go t in my car the vein in me wanted to buy weed. I started going from one side of the road to the other looking into parking lots to see if the usual drug dealers are there.

long story short, I didn’t buy any but when I came home and opened my fridge…my ashtray was there with two roach blunts…that means it was only a little but enough to get you a buzz….thats sad huh?

I took a puff and made a latte & now I’m going study my audition. Why do I feel so inadequate? Is it cause I smoked?

the first lines says: here, try this. Actually take your time. My husband travels for work. A lot

during these words, she’s attracted to a young man’s physique and she flirts and tries to seduce him.

my thing is: if I were to seduce a man….how would I do it?

I would compliment them…and say: take your time…as he’s getting dressed. But let me think, if I had a husband that was out of town a lot…and let’s say he was Shervin…and I wanted to have sex with a fine young man…knowing I could get away with it…how would I let this young man know that I’m interested….my husband TRAVELS for work…I understand that part like she’s saying don’t worry about him coming over to the house….but when I say “ALOT” …is it because I’m disappointed or because I want to make it a regular thing between me and this young man. And she’s 35-40…this guys probably 21. I never really been in that situation before…usually the guy is a lot more aggressive….but let’s say I am less approachable…if I lived in a huge house and wore Chanel all the time…a guy may not be as brave…so I have to be the guy. Clink! Ding dong…SAY THE LINES LIKE A MAN…be fucking aggressive: (nonchalant) here try this…actually take your time(how men say things about my body.)

my husband travels for work. A lot (say it like you want him right then and there if I could type shit)

I just smoked the other roach. I hit a high Mariah Carey note right after saying Darkness….i wonder if my neighbors heard me.

I gotta get back to my lines…I’m thinking too much. I offered Emily payment. I text someone else really early. I’m thinking about work. About how someone is covering me today. He’s a guy. Seems real legit. I feel scared and sad. But I don’t want to feel that way.

I’m also thinking about Clark. I just sent her this text…did I lay it on too thick?

Good morning Erika , I will not be in this morning. But I will return at noon. I apologize for being consistently late. You will definitely see a change. It’s just a matter of switching to a new routine which could ultimately be better for me. I spoke with Miss Gray already and she is aware of me taking time off to handle some personal affairs. Have a wonderful morning.
See you this afternoon,
d

im a little anxious. Just cus i smoked a roach that was basically all i had left. I called a church member band she said I did the right thing. I hope so.

I hope I won’t have any problems with Clark. She seemed off since day one….she bought me a Stanley cup that I keep on the floor, underneath my desk. I was planning on using it when I got back. Let’s see what happens. But to be honest, I’m no Stanley cup type person. I’m more of a water bottle type person. I don’t need to show that I can afford an expensive cup. Anyways….

i gotta get back to this audition. There are a lot of lines.

dear god, please forgive me for smoking. Please help me with my addiction. Amen…

also please help me book this audition so I can take time off work and be away from Clark for a little while and please let it not interfere with my show in September. Let me be able to do both….amen