Trash Can

Monday night is the night that our trash goes to the curb to be collected Tuesdays. Like every larger household in America, we tend to have 2-3 large cans to roll out each week. It’s literally the ONE chore my children are obligated and expected to do. But, I swear if you were to ask my kids it is the end of the world. Last week there was a spider egg sack that caused tears and text messages asking for help. This week…its currently Thursday going into Friday and the EMPTY can still sits lonely on the curb. Aside from that at this point its figurative and quite literally mocking me.

I sat outside today looking at it thinking how many times each member of my family has walked past it and not one thought to bring it to the house. Husband included. He even THREW something in it last night. Tomorrow morning I will bring it in. No one will applaud me, no one will saying “I appreciate it”, zero. Why is it an expectation of me? Thats why I say at this point its mocking me.

Its just a trash can one would argue. Why waste more than a thought. Because its EVERYTHING.

I do all of the laundry; wash, drying, and folding. I load and unload the dishwasher sometimes 2x a day, I also handwash certain items. I sweep the house at minimum 2x a day; german shepherds shed…a lot….I am responsible for all things related to the dogs (two) and guinea pigs that are my daughters, but I swear are really mine. I am responsible for all of the childrens “demands”, needs, etc. They text me, interact with me, expect entertainment from me, I understand I am mom-but in a TWO parent household; parenting should 100% be equal with both parents giving. I manage all the yardwork; mowing and weed whipping, cleaning up poop. I run my business alone; everything from marketing, social media, production, footing the costs-its mine and I understand but…and then I listen; I am never asked about my day, my business, my feelings, me. I don’t exist. I sit in silence and listen; at this point its too exhausting to ask for help, to demand help, to anything.

I have vocalized. I have come out and literally said “I think I need to get help because I cannot”, I have been vocal, I have used feeling words, I have yelled, I now just remain silent.

I just thought one more night the trash can can sit; maybe my daughter will think to grab it….but no, I already know I will tomorrow morning. With a heavy heart knowing that tomorrow will be like any other day; I co-exist in a family I created and wanted so badly.

I also feel like that trash can. Put out and left. No one has bothered to bring it back in, no one bothers to reconnect to bring me back in. Its standing fine alone, not bothered. Not bumped, not moved, just there. A blue figure. Pushed aside until needed, then forgotten about when its job has been done….