Emotionally Unstable
I have been in a relationship for five years now. I am 23 and it is the first one I have ever been in. It is really great but sometimes we do have our moments, and I only blame myself. I love him very much, but unfortunately, I do not love myself. Because of this, I just feel like I am never enough for him, or I need constant reassurance. I know it is overwhelming for him. I just am really emotionally unstable. I am not someone who will get mad at him and think he is cheating on me or try to look through his phone or anything like that. I just am a really sad person. Though I have never been in a relationship before him, I have been through some really shitty stuff. I try to bounce back, but for some reason I just can’t stay happy. I feel like I always ruin our good times. He says it isn’t me that he is the reason, but I feel he is just being nice. I hate being so insecure and unstable. I just am not comfortable talking with a therapist or anyone. I do not open up to anyone and I know that may be the reason why I am always so sad because there is no outlet. I had just been emotionally abused for so long before him, that I think everything may be going wrong. But the truth is, he is amazing. He is someone I can joke with, just sit and relax with, share experiences with. I just don’t know how to get to working on my own self so I can be better not only just for him, but in general.
I highly suggest you get in therapy and find healthy outlets. It is unfair to him to be that reliant on him for your happiness. Nobody can heal you or make you happy. You owe it to him and to yourself to do the necessary work on yourself. We all go through things in life, but that’s just the way life is. Life can get better, or at least, manageable, if you’re willing to put the time and effort it requires.  I’m not going to be you and say it’s going to be easy. In fact, it takes years of hard work. You have to be willing to be honest with yourself and others. Open up to people, or at least, a therapist. If you try to close yourself off and keep everything in, things will only continue to get worse, or at best, stay the same. Don’t be afraid to ask for, and accept help. That’s the best advice I can give. Best of luck!
@ashestoashes
Thank you so much, this was my first entry and wasn’t expecting to get such quick advice. 🖤
@gisselexr
No problem at all. That’s what this site is for. I think you will come to really enjoy it as an outlet. It’s a great start. I joined this site 21 years ago for the sane reason, and it saved me in more ways than one. I know what it’s like to struggle and he in a dark place.Its ok to struggle. Struggle makes you stronger. You  will get to where you need to be. Just never give up on yourself.  You’re worth it!
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