For thought

Of course random stuff in my head at 4am.

First time I found out I was pregnant from dude, I did go and get aborted. Idgaf what your opinion is of all of it, I had one child already and that was what I wanted. I asked to be tied at his birth but the Dr said he wouldn’t because he felt I was too young and would want more. I was 32. So I was forced into the depo shot, which hormonally messed w me.

Anyway, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was only dating casual w idiot.

Probably not even a month into it. I did everything on my own. Got the cash, went in, took one pill, then later that night, I think twelve hours later,  the other.

Anyway… He didn’t really say much to me about it. I put it behind me.

So, years later, when we were homeless living in a one bedroom daily rental place.

I was in a lot of pain. We had sex often and I guess i got a UTI and it wasn’t getting any better, so we went to the ER.

They of course did urine sample and told me I was pregnant. I told that Dr he had better check again because I absolutely wasn’t. I had an IUD. We laughed and laughed…

He called his mom laughing. He called his sister laughing, he called a friend.

They drew blood. I was in fact, pregnant.

He left me, said he would be right back.

I waited for him to return but he didn’t. I walked for several miles, 98 percent back to that crappy hotel from the hospital.

I should have left him at that point, because he was w that other woman,  then.

Maybe now I can sleep. Just thoughts in my head.

We had a good day, today. Me and my kids went to the pool again for a few hours, then to the fair

Fell asleep around ten, woke up at midnight, been up ever since.

Hoping we get this rain, tomorrow.

I need it.