Surgery and depression

I am really in the middle of a mental health crisis.  a week ago i had a huge cancer surgery.  1/2 my pancreas, all my spleen and all abdominal lymph nodes. I had a tumor on my pancreas. rather than waiting for it to turn cancerous the surgeons thought a better approach would be to do this surgery.   i agree.  its been an ongoing issue since i found out that i had a pancreatic tumor last December.  the surgery went very well. i am up and around walking and doing very minor housework. by minor i mean throwing something in the trash.  haha.

The emotional side of all is another story. I felt the depression coming in on Tuesday, this is Thursday now .  its an over whelming sadness that has taken over my mind.  I know better than the way i am thinking.  it feels like everyone wants me to change the way i  manage my life.   My daughter and her husband are here to help me around the house for a week or so.  They both are on the spectrum. they arent slowed down at all by it.  `when they were growing up.  people that are on the spectrum take everything said at face value.  SIL helping with the pool chemicals reads that you arent to put the chemical in the filter.   So when i was asked where is the chlorine.  i helped them get it in the cone and put in the pool.  i told them there is a ph regulator in the deck box i will use it it needs it tomorrow.  thats when i am told that  i can’t put it in and run the filter.  he couldnt quite grasp that putting it in the filter and putting it in the pool are 2 separate actions.  I didnt say anything , i went about my business .

There are a few other types of issues.  one is food. they eat different than we do.  my daughter went shopping for groceries.  she buys very healthy stuff that tastes like tree bark. i just cant. so i just dont eat or i eat a small amount.  i cant eat much right now anyway.

i dont know why i bother typing this…no one to respond.  im kinda uesless right now.  perhaps its more than just right now.