The High Note

I feel good this morning. I had a dream that I was good friends with some redneck hillbillies. I was begging for their forgiveness for something I did. They forgave me… I can’t tell you why in the heck I had this dream… probably cuz of where I am located at the moment.

im in the country area and caring for the 90 year old elderly lady. I was called in for work and I was sooo happy to see this lady. She doesn’t really remember me but she’s very comforting to be around. It’s the best job in the world because all I have to do is keep her company. We had breakfast together, although she doesn’t eat or drink much. She eats very little…. I don’t know how she does it. I eat like a trucker compared to her. Whenever I’m here, I try to only eat when she eats to suppress my appetite. It never works though…she always eats less.

i watched the movie with Anne Hathaway twice …about her dating a pop star. Now I’m watching The High Note…where the pop star is over 40. I watched it before but I can’t remember a thing about the movie. Hopefully it’s good the second time around.

im in one of the guest rooms of the elderly lady’s house. This house definitely has good vibes. I love everything about it.

I just made a mini plate of fried chicken, a table spoon of shrimp fried rice, and French fries….I showed the plate to Mrs. Smith…”you want some too”, I asked…

“I’m not howngray”, she replies back. I laugh internally at the way she says the word, hungry.

I went to the kitchen area, where she keeps all her desserts. I open a cinnamon cake and take a bite then I walk to her room and show it to her: “you want one?”….

She agrees to the cinnamon cakes so I heated up two in a bowl and bring it to her in bed: “thank ya!”, she quips.

i love Mrs. smith….if I ever have to play an elderly woman again(cuz I played one before), I’m going to turn myself into Mrs. smith.

im listening to Joel Osteen…he is saying that when we activate our faith, then God will bless us with the confidence, the anointing, the favor, etc. When I went into the audition yesterday, I did not feel nervous. I’m at a place where I just “let go & let God.”

im starting to see how God’s working in my life. I don’t even care when people are mean to me…I let go and let God. I don’t want to look back to see if they get their karma or anything. I just let go…it’s VERY hard to do…but I find I get more stressed worrying about what people say.

i often think about all the money that was stolen from me from people. But I realize, I never go hungry. I never am without gas for my car. I always have the funding for my rent. Sure I wish for spa trips, weekly massages, a personal trainer, a facial twice a month and a new car….but maybe I need to just be content and know that it will come soon.

i want to buy a massage now. Did you know i have to work 24 hours in order to afford a one hour massage? That’s crazy! I work so hard for my dreams….i often wonder when…WHEN WILL IT ALL PAY OFF?!?!

….but I guess that’s where faith comes into place. I have to believe God is real and that I’m His child….we are all His children. Move with reverence for things are still unseen….

im glad my addiction is dying down. When I was around that Uber driver, I could not resist! But luckily, I stopped after and didn’t want to buy more.

an odd thing happened yesterday….i called TBN prayer line. THEY NEVER ANSWER…but they did the morning before my audition.

an African woman answered. I know that you have to be quick with your prayer requests because they talk to hundreds of people each day.

it felt like I was talking to some magical genie when she asked for my prayer request. Real quickly I said, “I would like to pray for my audition, my addiction and for my relationship with my siblings because they are close with each other but not with me….”

”your siblings?”, she asked. “Tell me about your siblings…” I was surprised that she inquired so I answered her quickly about our lack of relationship. Then she asked about my audition, and I told her how important it was…

she said, “let us pray”, then I interrupted her…

”Don’t forget about my addiction – I need help with that too!”, I said.

……”What are you addicted to?”, she asked me in the strongest African accent. I told her it was to marijuana. I think I heard her say, “hmmm”.

She prayed a powerful prayer about having the vision for my audition. She prayed for my siblings but I cannot remember a thing she said about them. Then, she prayed for my addiction to nicotine…she never said for me to stop smoking weed…she prayed that my addiction to nicotine would end. I thought to myself how she was quite right since I always roll my weed in a cigarillo or leaf. Both are filled with nicotine.

now I’m not saying all of this as an excuse to go out and buy a pipe and bong…but she made me realize that it’s really the nicotine that has got a hold of me. Although I still smoked, it was easy for me to not want more. I wanted to look my best for the audition.

I turned The High Note film off…I rather catch a nap instead….

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray my life is blessed with less work. Or if I have to work, I pray that I have more jobs like this…where I care for the elderly. It’s much easier than children. I pray for Anabel… that one day she will be able to communicate. I pray for my parents. I want them around forever. I pray for my career…that you will find the right people to help me and not take advantage of me. I pray for a financial breakthrough…where I can affford a nice place (with a washer/driver & assigned parking) to live and a new car to drive. I pray for Shervy and my relationship to him. I pray for Julian to think of my music videos and work hard to make them amazing. And I pray that the fleetwood cars will still be in them. I pray I get everything together in time. I pray for my protection, peace, love, strength and happiness-in Jesus name. Amen