We Both Want Children!!

For a while now I have known that my husband wants children just as much as I want them. But of course, his drinking has been an issue and our financial situation too.

Well finances are still an issue but this weekend I did kinda see a different side to him.

She may be closing in to 18 years old now, but the way he was with my niece while she stayed at us was wonderful to see.

  I refused to do it, worried that she would upload the recording. In the end he sucked so bad an attempting it that she didn’t even record it.

 They spoke together a lot more than I spoke to her.

He took her so much that he left the flat yesterday, so he didn’t have to see her be collected…of course he lied to me when he came back, and I asked him he had a drink while he was gone…this morning when I asked him, he told me he did. I don’t get why he has to lie to me when I ask. He went to bed so early last night so that was a sign that he had been drinking…but I suppose it is normally to just fall asleep when you are tired, I mean I took a nap in the middle of the day yesterday because I was so tired, and I haven’t been drinking…but whenever he breathed out I could small a distillery.

We both woke up at like 2am this morning and had trouble falling asleep…eventually we had some hand and electronic fun. And it was so nice…been a while since we had any form of sexual connection, besides a platonic kiss here and there.

I am still not wearing my wedding rings, but I feel like we are in a good place. But I am a lil wary about his drinking, and my dislike towards it.

I didn’t have my menstrual cycle this month…but as of today I can have . But it is so cold so the idea of taking off my clothes is not very pleasing right now.

But what does that mean about having a baby? Can we afford it? No! But we can make it work!  But there are so many financial things that I have to worry about too…as of right now I don’t know how I am going to be able to pay my…

Okay that we can do!

I am applying to jobs regularly and asking to meet up with agencies…but nothing is progressing! I don’t know what else to do. I suppose tapping down my spending would be very helpful but since that has happened, and I am now in a rut I don’t know what to do! I kinda feel stupid praying and asking G-d to help, as they are so many bigger issues out there in the world for him to attend to, but I am still praying and asking for his blessings and his help!