Saturday 6/29/24

11:34a.m. I had another night of weird dreams. Sleep was intermittent. I was up for good by 6:30. The aides woke !e up, got me dressed and in my wheelchair in time for breakfast. I had scrambled eggs, bacon and a coffee cake. I slept all morning in my wheelchair. Stomach is still bothering me from yesterday’s over Day in. I gave the rest of the treats to my roommate but kept the pop.   

I didn’t read my book last night. I was too sick I fell asleep early. I was just too sick and tired. I received halfway decent care. They changed my briefs two or three times. At least I wasn’t laying in filth all night.    

Scott from PT told me yesterday I should start going to the exercise group at 10:00. They had it today but I just wasn’t up to it.  But I will give it a shot tomorrow if I get out of bed in time.  Like I said I still don’t feel so hot. 

 I have today’s menu. For lunch they are serving a hamburger with grilled onions , potato wedges and a gelatin cake. For dinner I’m having roast pork, mashed potatoes, a dinner roll and a fruit cup.  It look good but I get sick at the thought of eating.  

1:15p.m. I ate my lunch after all. It wasn’t on the menu. I had chicken, pasta salad and garlic bread. It didn’t upset my stomach. They are having bingo this afternoon. I hate that game so I’m not going. I would rather stay in my room and read You Like it Darker . 

I finished ” Danny Coughlin’s Bad Dream” the other day. It was a hell of a story. I don’t want to reveal the ending. I will say King kept me guessing until the end. King is one hell of a story teller. Next up in this collection of short stories is ” Finn. ” I do not know what this one is about yet.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I’ll be 73 years old. I am not too excited about it. I’m not expecting any gifts or visitors. It is just another day. I will say I never expected to make it this far. The fact I’m still around surprises the hell out me. I must be hear for a reason.   

4:43p.m. I was thinking about turning 73 tomorrow. I got very depressed for awhile. I started thinking I might not have much time left. I don’t want to go.. I’m afraid I will end up in hell. I thought about my past mistakes and some of the shitty things I did. I began to get very afraid of going to hell. These thoughts lasted but s few minutes but I was still very depressed. 

I have a lot of regrets in life.  I think my biggest is not graduating from West Liberty . I’ll never forget my dad telling me I’ll never amount to a hill of beans..I wanted so badly to prove him wrong. I tried at West Lib but I just didn’t have the smarts. I ended up meeting a girl there who became my wife. Marrying Debbie was another big mistake.  

They say you get old too soon and smart too late. I honestly do not think I learned much of anything worthwhile. Instead of being young and dumb I’m old and stupid Jesus, why did I live so long? 

I did try to make something of my life. I graduated from a two year technical college late in life. I majored in accounting. Then I served as a VISTA volunteer for an adult literacy council. I thought I was finially on my way then I had a major psychotic breakdown. I was going to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. I never fully recovered from that episode.     

6:28p.m. I was interrupted by supper. It was pretty good and I ate most of it. I called Chocolatechip after I ate. I was talking about that Stephen King story “Finn.” It is about a kid who has one terrible accident after another. I said it reminded me of you and your many near misses. 

We talked about other things for forty minutes. She mentioned about living in Toronto, Oh. I said I had an aunt from there. We used to visit them. I said they had a daughter who ended up with a high position with the government. She talked about her first husband Ed. He was a real low life who made me look like a saint. It was a nice talk and I felt better. 

I intend to read tonight. I missed reading last night. I wasn’t feeling very well. I want to find out what happene next in my book. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fts